Greg Schiano's Probably Returning to Rutgers Because Why Not

As Rutgers football careens helplessly towards a winless Big Ten conference season, rumors continue to swirl regarding their highly coveted head coaching position.

Sadly, interim head coach Nunzio Campanile, who replaced the eternally relieved Chris Ash six week ago, won't be retaining the post.

This fact makes us very sad, as it no doubt does linguists and mob enthusiasts far and wide.

All signs are indeed pointing to failed NFL head coach Greg Schiano, who is expected to make his triumphant return to Piscataway any second, now.

 

Yes, the second coming is upon us, a development that's energized the handful of people who follow Scarlet Knights football:

 

Sure, but the bar is tragically low at the moment.

 

 

Now, that take has some truth to it, because if the Rutgers football program was a human alcoholic, then its current state would be the equivalent of giving bus station head for spare change.

The fact that dude's 11 seasons on campus -- 2001-2011 -- are treated with such reverence is a testament to just how impossibly bad this program has been.

Schiano certainly had some success, actually winning five of the six bowls they managed to qualify for, but his overall record was exactly one game over .500.

 

Oh, and the Scarlet Knights were members of the football Big East back then, where Schiano compiled an impressive 28-48 conference mark.

 

But no matter.

Dude will inexplicably have his ring kissed upon his return.

 

Personally, our choice would've been former Tennessee Volunteers leader of men Butch Jones, who was actually a viable candidate for the gig.

Because if the Scarlet Knights can't win on the field, they can still bring home the prestigious championship of life trophy.