Spurs Blast Man United as Mourinho Goes Spare

History was made at Old Trafford tonight.

It may be that only the Americans will appreciate it, but football's Special One has just joined select company.

After all, these rants are the stuff of legends:

• Allen Iverson being gobsmacked that practice is actually something jocks do;
• Jim Mora Sr getting existential about playoffs;
• Herm Edwards giving a lesson about grasping the obvious;
• Dennis Green lamenting his team's collective ADD; and
• Mike Gundy confirming he's got pubes.

 

Damn right they are.

Thank Tottenham Hotspur and their 0-3 rope-a-doping of Manchester United for José Mourinho taking a dive off the deep end in his post-game presser.

You know wheels are starting to come off the wagon when a dude starts equating past performance to future results:

 

No doubt that door led to another dimension.

 

Sure, United's board gave Mourinho the dreaded vote of confidence, but they're no doubt also kicking their own patooties for not hiring Mauricio Pochettino.

Instead, dude's doing fine on the other touchline with nary a new signing in sight.

Players like Lucas Moura -- who contributed another solid effort in this one -- are suiting Spurs just fine.

 

From the outset, the Devils did what they always do at Old Trafford: control the game and have a ton of opportunities.

The best of the lot was when Romelu Lukaku pounced on a diabolical giveaway and cruised past Hugo Lloris only to roll the ball wide of an open goal:

 

That's how to amass 23 shots while yielding 11 and wind up with a loss.

After the break, Spurs finally started to threaten David de Gea. It paid off in the 50th minute when Kieran Trippier’s perfect corner found Harry Kane, who opened the scoring with a powerful header in the bottom corner.

 

Just two minutes later, Tottenham doubled the lead.

It came after Lukaku wasted another chance against Lloris. Christian Eriksen’s low cross found Moura inside the box, and all he had to do was sweep it past de Gea:

 

Meanwhile, United kept pushing the ball on roads to nowhere and ultimately got caught in the process.

In the 82nd, Moura drove forward and passed through to Chris Smalling, who sniped it home:

 

Mourinho had never experienced a home defeat like this.

Worse, it's the first time he's dropped two of his first three matches, with one being that bed-wetter in Brighton.

So, while Spurs ride merrily back to London with their third triumph on the trot, the Special One was left spouting incoherence to a bemused press corps. Stuff like this:

I need to know from you
what is the most important thing.
If it is to play well or to win matches.

Herm Edwards has that one:

 

There you go, José.

If that's not message enough, then here's one from Robert de Niro:

 

From his lips to your ears, dude.

See you in Burnley.