England Smash Panama with Goals Galore

Football is the global game.

Other sports try to advance to the same level by holding major events, like the World Baseball Classic, hockey's World Championships, and so forth.

They all over-invite and then spend a round having the favorites beat the snot outta minnows. It creates exposure for the sport, they say.

If so, it happens at a glacial pace.

And it's something football shouldn't need to do, but it does. Just because.

 

Even though there are maybe eight teams in the World Cup with a chance of emerging as the titlist, they've got a round of clobbering to do before it all gets serious.

Sure, there's the occasional group stage drama -- looking at you, Argentina -- but even 90% of those go the favorite's way. Still, the more games that are played, the more advertising dollars, ticket sales, merchandising, what whatever else are racked up.

This isn't news to anyone, of course. It's just something that throbs in the brain whenever a firepower-laden side like England ...

 

... faces whatever a team like Panama can muster.

 

Now, that's entertainment.

Kinda like watching a car wreck.

 

But, just like when the Alabama Crimson Tide plays a non-conference game against Southwest Nowhere State, the stats still count.

That's why it's bare-bones accurate to report that today at Nizhny Novgorod, England got their biggest win ever in a major tournament. With captain Harry Kane, scoring a hat-trick, Gareth Southgate’s men won, 6-1. It should also be noted that the 1 represented Panama's first-ever goal in a World Cup. Well done, Felipe Baloy.

Following Belgium’s 5-2 blowout of Tunisia, England knew that if they wanted to lead the group, they'd need to score as many goals as they could. 

They never thought through what might happen if Los Canaleros tucked one in, and perhaps they should have.

Anyway, it only took until the 8th minute for John Stones to find himself free inside the box. Since he's paid to know what to do in those situations, he took it from there:

 

If anyone's up for stat-padding in a mismatch like this, it's Harry Kane:

 

No chance for the Panamanian 'keeper, Jaime Penedo.

When the 36th minute rolled around, Jesse Lingard did his bit with a cracking long-range missile, making the English crowd pulse at Nizhny Novgorod:

Four minutes later, Stones kept the party going with his second tally.

After a spot-on cross from Jordan Henderson, Penedo saved a Raheem Sterling header and the ball went straight to Stones' head.

 

In an act of sadism, the referee gave three minutes of injury time.

So, after a cross, Kane was held inside the box. Dude took the penalty himself and had zero trouble with the finish:

 

What a half. No matter how you figure it ...

 

This was a beatdown.

As for the second half, England seemed to have slowed the pace and just scored once -- in the 62nd minute -- after Ruben Loftus-Cheek’s long-range attempt.

The ball was deflected by that force known as the HarryKane and evaded intervention:

After that, Panamanian history came via Baloy in the 78th minute.

After a cross, dude gave something his countrymen could revel in for years to come and probably longer:

 

That feat could be a destiny issue for the Three Lions, but there's more dust to settle before determining if it makes a difference.

No matter who shows up in their side of the bracket, they're gonna be stronger that what England's seen to date.