A Worse Curse: Will Witch Doctor's Spell Make Cristiano Ronaldo Ugly As Well?

Published on 4-Jun-2014 by Xavier McSpaniel

Soccer    Soccer Daily Update

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A Worse Curse: Will Witch Doctor's Spell Make Cristiano Ronaldo Ugly As Well?

Cristiano Ronaldo's magic has left a trail of victims throughout his career.

Now, on the eve of the 2014 World Cup, it appears the tables have turned.

Nana Kwaku Bonsam -- Ghanaian witch doctor and Spirit Day aficionado -- is taking credit for the tendinosis that has the Portuguese mega-star battling to be fit for the opening matches.

"I know what Cristiano Ronaldo’s injury is about," said the good doctor from his bubbling cauldron. "I’m working on him. I am very serious about it. Last week, I went around looking for four dogs and I got them to be used in manufacturing a special spirit called Kahwiri Kapam."

"I said it four months ago that I will work on Cristiano Ronaldo seriously and rule him out of the World Cup or at least prevent him from playing against Ghana and the best thing I can do is to keep him out through injury."

We are unaware if, in addition to the dogs, Bonsam utilized a set of cojones in his supernatural dabblings. He certainly isn't short of a sizable pair -- he predicted his hobbling of Ronaldo back in December:

As bad as all this is for the reigning Ballon d'Or champ, it will get decidedly nastier if Bonsam makes good on an ominous follow-up threat:

This injury can never be cured by any medic, they can never see what is causing the injury because it is spiritual. Today, it is his knee, tomorrow it is his thigh, next day it is something else.

Could the "something else" be his pretty-boy mug? Are we going to witness soccer's poster boy gradually transform into the human equivalent of Nike's Magista shoe? Will the sexiest man alive end up resembling Ronaldinho at the mercy of George Lucas?


If so, we can't wait.