Kill It with Fire: New Nike Shoe for World Cup is Actually Zombie Sock

Published on 7-Mar-2014 by Xavier McSpaniel

Soccer    Soccer Daily Opinion

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Kill It with Fire: New Nike Shoe for World Cup is Actually Zombie Sock

With the assistance of Barcelona champ, Andres Iniesta, Nike today unveiled their new flyknit 'shoe' for the World Cup in Brazil.

Zombie Sock

Things didn't go quite to plan.

"The boots tried to my eat my feet," declared the clearly shaken Spanish champ in post-launch interviews. "I was reading the script they gave me -- 'It's completely different to what I have used ... I am happy with the feeling of it ... It's practically like having a glove on your foot ... I'm really happy that I'm able to use it and to be here today in Barcelona to launch it ...' -- then I heard this sound sort of like eating."

"I looked down and saw the shoes were chewing on my ankles!"

"I screamed, pulled them off, and threw them into the crowd. A man caught them and immediately put them on, not understanding the danger. Half his toes were gone before he realized."

"After that, it was mayhem. Last I saw of the boots, they were headed for Xavi's passing clinic."

Safe to say, then, we won't see you wearing the Magista in Brazil?

"Not on your life. Save them for teams that don't need their feet. Like England."

Our investigations suggest Nike may have used the DNA of socks taken from George Best's grave in creating the Magista. When contacted for confirmation, Nike declined to comment.

They did, however, avail us of the video released for their unholy creation. It sure scared the sh*t out of us.