The Paranoid Delusions of Bruce Arians

Published on 14-Dec-2016 by Raoul Duke

Football - NFL    NFL Daily Review

Share this article

The Paranoid Delusions of Bruce Arians

This past Sunday provided yet another sad chapter to the depressing narrative of the 2016 Arizona Cardinals.

However, this one was tinged with madness.

Head coach Bruce Arians, whose grip on reality appears to be tenuous at best, seems to think the weather is now conspiring against his team.

The Cardinals and Dolphins played in a borderline monsoon for much of the game, which was predictably sloppy. The poor conditions clearly affected both sides, but the Cardinals seem to be implicating Mother Nature in a vast conspiracy.

Arians and several Cardinals, including QB Carson Palmer, seem to be suggesting that the rain got worse every time they had the ball.

Wrap your mind around that for a moment.

The implications of this theory are almost too deranged to contemplate.

Apparently, the Cardinals were not only playing against the Dolphins on Sunday, but also the NFL and a spiteful god of some sort.

Why any higher power would have an agenda towards Arians and the Cardinals is anyone's guess.

Perhaps the mighty forces of nature had a lucrative parlay going, compelling them to make it rain all over the Cardinals.

As of press time, Adam Jones could not be reached for comment.

The elements did conspire to create an ugly NFL experience, but the Cardinals were certainly not singled out.

Look what they did to poor Ryan Tannehill:

See there. Not a paranormal conspiracy.

Sadly, just bad football.