NFL Wrangles Cowboys RB outta Six Games

The NFL went and did it, suspending Dallas' maverick star Cowboy -- dude almost touched 'em all -- running back Ezekiel Elliott for six games.

That's because he dared to be cleared by the cops over an alleged domestic assault incident that officially didn't happen several months ago.

But what do the police know? This was a job for Darth Sidious The Commish.

Where's the frame of reference here?

Both Greg Hardy and Ray Rice got four games, and they actually beat up their women.

Of course, the NFL offered no real explanation as to why. Maybe they saw that's kinda how the Supreme Court does it sometimes, and who doesn't want to be like the Supreme Court?

Well, actually, The Shield kinda did, but based on what evidence, we don’t know.

We're just fairly certain they get a rush outta power.

Here's their justification:

[League advisers] were of the view that there is substantial and persuasive evidence supporting a finding that [Elliott] engaged in physical violence ... on multiple occasions.

To be sure, Elliott has acted like an immature ass over the past few months, but that’s no crime.

Ask Dez Bryant.

But if anyone thinks Elliott's gonna go quietly and take his league-imposed punishment, think again.

What's annoying about all this -- yet again -- is the way the NFL goes about its decisions in these cases. It incredibly transforms the dudes it arbitrarily punishes into victims themselves.

How crazy is that? It shifts the spotlight from where it should be into a reflector on the set of Judge Roy Bean, which -- come to think of it -- is a fitting comparison: