ALCS: Astros Beat Red Sox in Alleged Playoff Game

What the hell was that?

The 108-win Boston Red Sox spent most of the American League Championship Series' Game 1 looking like they were paying tribute to the 115-loss Baltimore Orioles.

The Houston Astros were innocent bystanders in their 7-2 victory, serving as straight men in a comedy of errors that took on breathtaking proportions.

 

Literally breathtaking.

Just ask human walrus Joe West:

 

 

For all but 'Stros fans, that was a candidate for highlight of the night.

How'd the BoSox defile elite baseball? Let us count the ways:

• Their pitchers walked 10 batters. 10! Yes, that's a team record for a post-season game.
• Red Sox slingers also hit three Houston batters without malice in their hearts.
• 3B Eduardo Núñez tries in vain to top Dodger catcher Yasmani Grandal, but falls woefully short, only booting two chances at the wrong time.
• JD Martinez goes brain dead, arguing a check-swing Strike Three on a wild pitch ball that almost made it to Cape Cod:

 

Maybe BoSox manager Alex Cora saw where all this was going and decided to get himself tossed for arguing balls and strikes -- an obvious taboo and a willful decision -- in the fifth inning.

What's a team with the season's best road record -- 57-24 -- to do?

Houston had no choice but to post a 7-2 victory in this one:

 

Just a quick observation, here:

The 'Stros seem to be taking this post-season thing seriously, defending their World Series championship and all.

Justin Verlander was his usual ominous presence, yielding only two runs on two hits while fanning six. He and the bullpen held down the fort until the four-run ninth that salted away the inevitable.

 

Assuming the Sox snap out of it, he'll have a shot to keep doing it for another two starts in this series.

For a club that compiled a 57-24 home record -- the game's best this season -- this shouldn't be much of an assumption.

At least, that's the assumption.