NFL Draft: Bengals Bag Burrow at No 1; Kingsbury Clinches the Internet
There's finally a silver lining to that scourge known as Covid-19.
It saved the NFL from itself on Draft Day.
Everybody's wisened enough in modern times to know that all major sports operations are corporate, but none of them flaunt it like the NFL.
The show they were planning in Las Vegas was gonna be full-on Rat Pack era.
While The Shield did have plans for sideshows where their heart-&-soul fans could partake, its version of splendor was gonna redline the garish-o-meter as most old-boy corporate events are wont to do.
The stage for the 2020 NFL Draft in Las Vegas will be on the water at the Fountains of Bellagio. The players will be transported to the stage by boat. pic.twitter.com/8sVl8p2ZBx— Arash Markazi (@ArashMarkazi) January 21, 2020
This may be the dumbest thing I have ever heard. 🤨 pic.twitter.com/imOcmPgm6A— Steve Baranowski (@StrayDog93) January 21, 2020
The only thing missing was a shark to jump.
Fortunately, the lockdown spared everyone and, instead, the NFL stumbled onto a presentation that far and away more watchable, containing lotsa entertaining nuggets to enjoy.
They started early, too, with the Commish acknowledging a Draft Day tradition from his
bunker basement headquarters for the night:
Zoom fatigue may have become a thing during the quarantine, but full marks to the NFL for deploying it in a kajillion places to make this an actual extravaganza for the masses.
It was totally cool to see how the general managers and coaches set up for the draft without the benefit of a war room, and really, from now on, who needs a war room?
Especially since the geeks were on their game and stuff like this was avoided:
When a hiccup did happen, it just sorta melded into the format's fabric:
And so it went.
- It was SEC Night in football cyberspace, with 15 of the 32 first-round selections coming from their schools;
- LSU accounted for five of them, one shy of the common draft era record, held by the 2004 Miami Hurricanes; and what's more,
- With QB Tua Tagovailoa going No 5 overall to the Dolphins, Nick Saban has now coached a first-round NFL pick at all 12 non-specialist positions.
The best ones, however, came from the various video feeds.
Tennessee Titans coach Mike Vrabel, for instance, looks like he's got the human resources to keep his lockdown from being boring:
Mike Vrabel’s house is like a scene out of Breaking Bad pic.twitter.com/knruKwRSDZ— Seton (@HiMyNameIsSeton) April 24, 2020
Every party needs a dude posing as Frozone, and why not have one of your kids wear your 2007 All-Pro jersey, since that's the only one you earned? That's pride, right there.
For the record, his kid in the other room is not dropping a dookie, according to Vrabel. He's merely sitting on a stool playing a video game because drafts have lulls.
When he's not drafting linemen, it looks like New York Giants GM David Gettleman hangs out in the attic when he does the cyber thing.
As to the mask ...
Dave Gettleman on the mask: “I’ve got a young IT fellow in here with me and we’re social distancing, and part of it’s the mask. I’m fine”— Madelyn Burke (@MadelynBurke) April 24, 2020
Gettleman is in remission from lymphoma, so naturally the Giants GM is extra cautious amidst the COVID-19 pandemic
Then there's new Washington coach Ron Rivera, who either likes to live sparse or the furniture's not arrived from Charlotte yet:
OMFG, Ron. Fire. Your. Decorator. pic.twitter.com/DLm2AqU7JZ— Lindsay Gibbs (@linzsports) April 24, 2020
And because football drafts are meant to be done outdoors, Tampa Bay coach Bruce Arians is showing the sorta cool out on his patio that makes a six-time Super Bowl-winning slinger want to play for him and bring a friend, too:
We also now know who's behind Bill Belichick's personnel decisions:
Look at Bill Belichick trading up and picking Josh Uche.pic.twitter.com/WzID8HMGSp— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) April 25, 2020
Then there's the OG who's gonna have a special kinda beard if he gets another facelift.
Jerry Jones’ draft room is on his $250 million super-yacht. Now that’s a super-flex. pic.twitter.com/ZJwgrUcehX— Don Van Natta Jr. (@DVNJr) April 24, 2020
And here's the 21st Century version of Ursula, peel me a grape ...
Jerry Jones doesn't even hold his own phone pic.twitter.com/sZdbuwR4VF— CJ Fogler (@cjzer0) April 25, 2020
No, if you're gonna win the Internet, show what $4.5million will get you in the Arizona suburbs:
Coming in 2021: Parasite 2 with Kliff Kingsbury pic.twitter.com/3fPA8wXojG— Jimmy Rippert (@fishboyjim) April 24, 2020
It'll give her something to do while he's trying to figure out who in this draft is gonna help the Cardinals get to .500 whenever the next season rolls around.
Meanwhile, the 2021 Draft oughta be held at his house. It's the only thing that could possibly match this year's.