Arthur Blank Promises to Do Something to Fix His Falcons

The Atlanta Falcons have gone from a Super Bowl team to dysfunctional mess at breakneck speed.

Ever since their historic collapse against the Patriots, the franchise trajectory has steadily declined to the point where the 2019 edition is basically an unconventional bye week for opponents.

But the tens of fans still showing even a cursory interest in the team should fear not.

Owner Arthur Blank is all over it.

 

The wealthy septuagenarian is determined to get to the bottom of this shit, as the following sound bite makes abundantly clear:

 

That's right, Falcons enthusiasts.

The owner of your favorite team has promised to put on his thinking cap over the bye week.

 

At a dismal 1-7, head coach Dan Quinn can't possibly survive this season, and at this point, it's simply a question of when his pink slip will arrive.

Fortunately, as Blank helpfully pointed out, the Falcons' staff is lousy-stocked with failed former head coaches, so any one of those dudes can step in and plumb the depths of mediocrity.

Apparently, there's also, like, three to four GM"s in the building, which isn't necessarily a good thing.

 

While some fans have already become drunk and belligerent, others are trying to be constructive:

 

Sadly, though, most of them are treating Mercedes-Benz Stadium like an active volcano:

 

It's probably for the best.