Antonio Brown Quits Raiders, Spurns Canucks, Signs with Patriots

Give dude some credit. He understands that sports needs villains.

Beyond a doubt, Antonio Brown relishes the role.

No matter what the cost, but then, what's $30millon or so of guaranteed money out the window when individual liberty is involved?

 

That's roughly what it cost for dude to ditch his Oakland Raiders contract while letting the New England Patriots swoop in to do a bargain basement deal.

Talk about answering to a higher cause.

 

Whatever it takes.

Brown's had the kinda sorta story arc this off-season that'd give the Joker wet dreams:

• Dude went into stage-setting overdrive in Pittsburgh,
• He boistered his way to what woulda been a perfect fit in the day,
• He metaphorically made his Raider entrance in a hot air balloon, and then
• Recoils in shock that the Raiders have gone from outlaw to corporate.

He shoulda seen coming when they decided to abandon the East Bay for Sin City.

 

Not AB.

Dude's gonna get paid -- barring big injury this year, with zero guaranteed money -- and he's not afraid to do it on his terms.

 

The Pats have a so-so record at this stuff:

• Dudes made out like bandits with the likes of Corey Dillon and Randy Moss, but
• Those have been countered by write-offs such as Chad Johnson and Albert Haynesworth.

Still, that's why they're the champs or close to it every season. A true villain like Emperor Palpatine knows that every kernel of wheat comes with a bitta chaff.

 

Long story short, the Pats have an even better shot at Ring No 7 with one of the most talented WRs on the receiving end of Tom Brady magic.

Not that all this doesn't have a downside.

The New England offer popped up too soon after AB had accepted an offer to attend the Vancouver Canucks training camp:

 

That franchise coulda used a bitta shaking up, and it woulda been a natural fit for AB:

• Anyone who's been to the city knows why its nickname is Lotusland,
• Its long-suffering fans would put up with anything exciting during yet another rebuild, and
• The Nux play in a league that could give a damn about being PC.

OK, there'd be the skating thing to deal with, but at least the NHL has a history of letting players wear whatever the hell helmet they want, as Wayne Gretzky showed with what was basically a broomball lid.

 

What a PR coup this coulda been for all involved.

Having said that, dude's history with ice is not good.

Whoever oh-so-carefully orchestrated his forcing the issue with Oakland just needed to take the Nux move one step farther while AB's campaign was still basking in this self-produced faux reality-show bitta video:

 

But so be it.

Dude wanted his independence to play the game the way he wanted. Even in the most vanilla of sports empires, he earned it. If anyone's gonna give him leeway, it's the Patriots, who remember better than most that the point is Super Bowls.

 

Right, right, and bloody well right.

In the NFL, this simply goes to show they're trying. Very trying. Kinda like the WR they just signed.