Lane Kiffin Now Forced to Recruit in a Maternity Ward

Published on 2-Feb-2019 by Raoul Duke

Football - NCAA    NCAA Football Daily Update

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Lane Kiffin Now Forced to Recruit in a Maternity Ward

College football coach and all-around swell guy Lane Kiffin will leave no stone unturned in his continuing quest to improve the Florida Atlantic program.

After inexplicably winning 11 games and something called the Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl in 2017, the Owls cratered to a 5-7 mark this past season.

As a result, Kiffin has decided to do whatever it takes to get this shit back on track.

And we mean this quite literally.


The former Nick Saban minion put those tremendous people skills to work recently, following a local recruit to the hospital maternity ward.


This Knox Robinson character seems to be suggesting that some folks may not care for Lane Kiffin all that much, but we reject this premise out of hand.


Apparently, the coach who will flee this football purgatory the first chance he gets provided some sage advice to the young man in question.

It's also worth noting that Kiffin didn't approach the baby to discuss his future, although this wouldn't have been terribly surprising.


Another encouraging sign is that the coach in captivity didn't have to pose as a doctor or gynecologist while wheeling around a pretend patient on a gurney just to gain access to his recruit.


Or remove an appendix.