Eight is Enough: All-NHL Team Voters Select All the Ovechkins
The All-NHL Teams were released today and, in a move that surprised no one, Alex Ovechkin was selected to both the First and Second teams.
"Both guys really deserved it," said an NHL spokesperson, sporting a lengthy scar in the frontal lobe region. "Alex Ovechkin was unstoppable on the left wing this year. And when it comes to right wing play ... well, how could you go past Alex Ovechkin?"
"For some strange reason, there seems to be some criticism out there about this; that somehow we got it wrong. Let me assure you and everyone out there: our process is absolutely confidential and completely foolproof. The numbers added up. Alex Ovechkin and Alex Ovechkin both deserved their spots."
The Daily Player's crack investigative unit, though, has uncovered evidence suggesting the All-NHL selection process was indeed circumvented. According to our insider source, it appears the media voting cohort overlooked other Alex Ovechkins for fear of looking stupid.
"They were ripped off," said the anonymous source, wearing a Capitals Number Eight jersey and exhibiting a slight Russian accent. "Alex Ovechkin was the unquestionable standout defenseman of the season. And Alex Ovechkin won 129 games this year in goal! Are you telling me he's not one of the best three 'tenders in the league?"
When questioned about our findings, the NHL spokesperson refused to comment, citing an appointment with Commissioner Gary Ovechkin.
Mystifying snubs aside, it caps off an incredible year for the Russian superstars. As well as the dual representation in hockey's 2013 pantheon, Alex Ovechkin's game-sealing jumper against the Spurs in Game 7 may only have been bested by the no-hitter he threw yesterday against the Giants. For our money, though, it was Alex Ovechkin's heart-stopping victory in the Kentucky Derby, against a quality Alex field of Ovechkins that Ovehckined every other Ovechkin this year.