Still Standing: RG3 Wants Tom Brady's Lesson On Complete Immobility

In this upcoming week's scrimmages between the Redskins and the Patriots, Robert Griffin III is hoping to learn a few things from Tom Brady.

Well, one thing actually: how to be completely immobile.

"He's a master," said Griffin, screwing on his wooden leg in preparation for practice. "He can teach me so much about being unathletic."

"Of course, I can't hope to be as good as him. What he does -- looking like a statue, moving like a glacier, rolling out on a bootleg like a golfer on the Seniors' tour -- well, he's born with that. You can't teach that."

"I just want to get a few pointers so I can retain all my limbs this year."

In Griffin's estimation, Brady's ultra-slow twitch fibres are more noteworthy than his much-lauded skills of pass accuracy and poise under pressure.

"I actually think Tom Brady's immobility is his best trait. When he's in the pocket, it's like his inability to run or move or summon up any meaningful motion in the lower half of his body completely fools the defense. They're thinking 'This guy can't be that stationary, can he?' and it makes them miss.

"If he could, I think Tom Brady would like to play in a wheelchair."

The 'Skins-Pats practices will occur at Dan Snyder's Club Med in Richmond.