Somehow, Phil Simms Remains Employed As an NFL Analyst
It's become almost a rite of passage to criticize Phil Simms on the Internet.
Social media is perpetually filled with tales of gross incompetence from the former Giants quarterback.
However, just when you think it may be overkill, Thursday night or Sunday afternoon rolls around, and Simms yet again confirms the derision, providing more fodder for hordes of Internet haters to unpack.
In fact, there's even a Twitter account entitled Phil Simms Quotes devoted entirely to documenting the verbal stylings of this gift from snark heaven.
The account appears to be operated by one enterprising soul who live-tweets every CBS broadcast featuring Simms and his partner in crime, the smarmy Jim Nantz.
Please enjoy a few samples from the recent Thursday night clash between Denver and San Diego:
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It literally never ends.
Here's a quick disclaimer that explains talked about and the companion drinking game:
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See? How much fun is that!
It's unclear if CBS keeps Simms around out of habit or pity. Perhaps they honestly believe dude's worthy of the top analyst spot on a major network.
That last part just can't be the case, but whatever the reason, I hope they keep him around forever.
We need his dim-witted, folksy charm now more than ever in these troubled times.