Second Coming: New Shirt Proclaims Divine RGIII is Going Vertical

Published on 06-Sep-2013 by Xavier McSpaniel
Football - NFL / NFL Daily Opinion

Second Coming: New Shirt Proclaims Divine RGIII is Going Vertical

Redskins' fans were born again with Robert Griffin III's breakout rookie season in 2012.

This year, if the new shirt by Pope-approved purveyor Monumental Threads is any indication, they believe Jesus himself is under centre.

The tee looks a little something like this:

rg3-he-has-risen-shirt

Not counting the creepshow model -- who also moonlights as Monumental Threads' proprietor -- there are several problems with the creation.

First and foremost is the statement's breathtaking level of literal assumption. Griffin is yet to play a meaningful minute on his reconstructed right knee, and though expectations are that he will return better than before, there is a small factor known as the sophomore slump to consider.

Secondly, the NFL's Jesus limo already has a driver at the wheel: a rather competent chap named Adrian Peterson. Purple Jesus earned his messianic moniker by running for 2,097 yards and one MVP award on the back of his own ameliorated ACL. Griffin has done nothing but flap his gums to this point in the second coming.

Lastly, there is the very real possibility that Griffin will go down again in 2013. Sure, he's saying the right things prior to the opening of hostilities; that he'll run for space instead of contact, that he'll slide to prevent being obliterated. But can he truly rid himself of the cross he bears? When instinct takes over and the first down marker is in sight, can he go down on his knees? It's doubtful.

If and when -- OK, when -- that unfortunate destruction happens, we look forward to Monumental Threads' production of a 'He's Buried Again' shirt.

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