Footage In Mouth: Roger Goodell Admits to Seeing Video ... of Mike Rice

In an exclusive one-on-one with The Daily Player, Roger Goodell -- holed up in a bunker somewhere in Argentina -- has finally come clean:

DP: You admit you saw the full Rice video as far back as April?

RG: It was terrible, it was disturbing, and we didn't take it lightly. We acted accordingly and suspended Ray for two games. There is no place for that sort of behaviour in our game.

DP: Ah, sir, you are aware that this isn't in fact Ray Rice or 'our game' in the footage you have here. This is the infamous YouTube clip of fired Rutgers basketball coach, Mike Rice, bullying his players.

RG: We made our requests to the relevant authorities and this is the additional evidence we got back. We can only act on that. To be honest, I don't know how Ray ended up in the Rutgers' basketball gym. It seems fishy to me.

DP: So is it your unequivocal assertion that, prior to yesterday, you had never seen the video of Ray Rice knocking his fiance Janay unconscious inside a Vegas elevator?

RG: That was Ray and Janay? I thought it was Richie Incognito and Jonathan Martin. My bad.

DP: Thank you for your time, Commissioner. Good luck in your next job.

RG: You think the NHL might be ready for a Ginger?

(@MikeLeachTV)