Don't Be So Flip: Steelers' Tomlin Bans Player Somersaults Due to Team Incompetence

Mike Tomlin has banned his players from doing celebratory flips into the end zone.

A sound edict, no doubt. His rationale, though, should give pause to Steeler fans hoping to turn around a 1-4 start.

"Let's face it: we don't get many touchdowns," said a leotard-clad spokesperson for Tomlin. "Sometimes we don't get any at all. Consequently, a guy could go weeks on end without any reason to celebrate whatsoever.

"If a miracle does happen in a game, though, and we break the plane for six, the last thing we want is a guy flippin' over when he hasn't had his in-game reps."

"If we scored a bunch, guys would get their in-game reps, and Mike would have no problem with it."

Will the ban be relaxed if the club goes on an offensive tear in the next few weeks?

"Hahaha, 'offensive tear' ... That's a good one!

"We ain't turnin' into the Denver Broncos. Those guys should be doin' flips and handstands and the worm and an all-team human pyramid. I ain't seen none of that.

"Frankly, their lack of attention to touchdown celebrations could be their undoing in the end."

Tomlin's anti-flip stance comes on the back of other hardline responses to the Steelers' poor performance: prohibition of ping-pong in the locker room, a boycott on all ballcaps except those supporting murderers, and compulsory bro-hugs between Antonio Brown and Todd Haley.