David Knee Wrath: NFL Uses Van Halen's 'Jump' to Help Prevent Sack Celebration Injuries

Published on 27-Oct-2014 by Xavier McSpaniel
Football - NFL / NFL Daily Opinion

David Knee Wrath: NFL Uses Van Halen's 'Jump' to Help Prevent Sack Celebration Injuries

To combat the recent rash of Darwin Awards amongst the league's sack-celebrating pass rushers, the NFL has created a new safety message using Van Halen's 'Jump' as inspiration.

The crack investigative unit at The Daily Player have managed to track down the full transcript of the message prior to its implementation this coming Sunday:

I get up, and no DT gets me down.
I am so tough. I am the toughest around.
And I know, man, just how you feel.
You've got to roll with the punches so you don't get killed
Oh can't you see me standing here,
I've got my back against the fallen QB
Ain't he the worst that you've seen?
Oh can't you see that I'm mean?
Might as well jump. AARGH!
Might as well jump.
Go ahead, jump. OWWW!
Go ahead, jump.

Aaa-ohh Hey you! What was that?
Think it was my knee!?
The trainer don't know, he won't know until it gets seen.
Well can't you see I was standing here,
With my back against that monstered QB
He's crying like a whooped-ass teen.
Oh I 'm the best that you seen!
Then I did a dumb jump. FUUH!
Season-ending, jump.
Never should jump. NOOO!
ACL, jump.

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