LeBron's Decision 2.0: A Cavalier Attitude

Published on 11-Jul-2014 by J Square Humboldt
Basketball - NBA / NBA Daily Update

Let my posse go!

It's official. LeBron James is on his way to Brazil.

He didn't want to miss the biggest story in world sports this weekend.

Clearly, he's into big stories.

So is it any surprise that at the same time the King of the Court's decision was released in a document of near biblical PR proportions at roughly the same time another announcement of biblical implications was being made in Miami?

Coincidence? Why not? Damn near every other angle is being dissected in this case of a dude who simply decided to go home. How, it's asked, could he turn his royal back on all that dosh in south Florida, all that glitter on South Beach, and all those fans who will now add their Heat to their Marlins, Panthers, and sometimes, even their Dolphins in teams they'll support when there's nothing else to do on the day.

There can only be one reason that fits the breathless magnitude of this move.

Global warming.

Top that one, BuzzFeed! How did ESPN and its ilk never think to check with Russian Television, who took time out from their workload of glossing over the Crimean anschluss to pour cold water -- and salty, at that -- on Miami's future?

James obviously didn't want his kids to inherit a mansion that would be underwater by the time they got the deed put in their name. Dude's definitely thinking ahead.

Let the Big Other Two sink or swim. Forget that Dan Gilbert nastygram. It's time to get the hell to higher ground.

Unlike local politicians in those soon-to-be-submerged lands, James was tracking the stats early, as we now understand from this report in 2012:

No it won't. Studied observers saw this coming as early as the late 1950s. It was poignant.

So while NBA gridlock has now been eased and Stan Love's son can now pursue a dream of being Scottie Pippin reicarnate, mankind has been served its sternest notice yet.

Solve global warming. Or LeBron James will ultimately be forced to take his talents to Denver.

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