MLB Snark Rankings at the Trade Deadline
What is certain is a fair number of players are now required to fill out change of address forms with their local post office.
And some are left to snark it up, hoping chips placed on the table now can be cashed in for a profit later. In most cases, much later, if at all.
1. Philadelphia Phillies (40-64)
When the Phillies finally stopped trying to bypass the laws of physics, things were set in motion.
Three Laws of Motion
- Newton's First Law of Motion states that in order for the motion of an object to change, a force must act upon it, a concept generally called inertia.
- Newton's Second Law of Motion defines the relationship between acceleration, force, and mass.
- Newton's Third Law of Motion states that any time a force acts from one object to another, there is an equal force acting back on the original object. If you pull on a rope, therefore, the rope is pulling back on you as well.
I think Sir Isaac Newton might've been a better GM than Ruben Amaro Jr. He just explained why the Phils blew it by keeping their core together for too long. Defying science is why 1B Ryan Howard is still on the roster! Now, duly chastened and with Professor Andy MacPhail wearing the lab coat, Philadelphia's restocked and defying the basic laws of cause and effect.
Remember, it starts with inertia.
2. Milwaukee Brewers (44-60)
This keg is tapped out. The media guide is already outdated. We haven't a clue where this team is headed, except that Colorado Springs should be kept on speed dial.
The first cursed Seattle team, these former Pilots jettisoned several players at the trade deadline, including star OF Carlos Gomez and SP Mike Fiers to the Astros after a failed trade with the Mets that would've sent Gomez to Queens. The Mets received a nice consolation prize, though.
Apparently, they couldn't find a taker at their asking price for closer Francisco Rodríguez or 1B Adam Lind. This is no reason to fret, Brew Crew fans, there's still another trade deadline coming up at the end of August because baseball has to play with two separate sets of roster turnover rules.
Milwaukee's buried in the NL Central behind St. Louis, Pittsburgh, and Chicago, so this could be an extended re-building project. Again. Several teams could take note of Milwaukee's haul of prospects for these savvy veterans.
Gives them some sense of hope during a six-game losing streak.
3. Miami Marlins (42-61)
To abolutely no one's surprise, Jeffrey Loria's secret cash machine also found management hitting the sell button faster than a broker on the floor of the New York Stock exchange.
Their starting catcher is now JT Realmuto. Marlins fans, raise your hand if you know who this man is or why he's on the team.
That's right, he's paid the MLB minimum and umpires insist on a defensive player being stationed in front of them.
Miami is quickly spiraling out of control in a lost season that saw them fire their manager because ... well ... why pay two managment types on a losing team when you can make do with one?
Is Giancarlo Stanton due back soon? I miss those tape measure shots.
4. Colorado Rockies (43-58)
The Rox finally pulled the trigger on a major blockbuster trade that sent SS Troy Tulowitzki, and RP LaTroy Hawkins north of the border in exchange for SS Jose Reyes and a bevy of pitching prospects.
Tulo wasted no time making his mark in Toronto.
That's great. Colorado needs pitching. Their starting rotation now consists of Jorge de la Rosa, Gonzalez Germen, Chris Rusin, and Yohan Flande. Colorado officially has no fifth starter listed on their depth chart. Way to go retro, dudes!
Stud SP Jon Gray made his major league debut tonight against the lowly Mariners. He was on a pitch count, so this line is decent, given the Rocky Mountain highness in all its humidoric spendor:
Those two earnies came in the first inning, so write them off to jitters and there's hope along the horizon. Otherwise you can just stare at those majestic peaks over the roof line at Coors Field. What else would you do at this stadium? Watch the team on the field?
RF Carlos Gonzalez was just named NL Player of the Month for July after popping 11 home runs and 24 RBI's. We knew he had it in him after a dreadful start.
Offense has never been a problem in the Mile High City. Just ask Mike Hampton.
5. Oakland Athletics (45-59)
Between the Scott Kazmir and Ben Zobrist trades, Oakland should be set up for a nice future until those prospects blossom into stars, forcing Beane to turn right around and send them away from the East Bay.
Oakland is two games behind the Mariners for last place in the AL West. It'll be an intriguing stretch run for these two bottom feeders as they jockey for draft pick status.
On the bright side, maybe these prospects will get to play in a new stadium by the time they're ready for the show.
Sorry, Mr Fat Dude, you still have to kick field goals off infield dirt. George Blanda never complained.