To Hell with Health, Belarus Dictator Wants Him Some Football
Unlike some heads of state, his least his cure for Covid-19 doesn't kill anyone.
Not quickly, anyway.
As a matter of fact, Alexander Lukashenko, erstwhile fearless leader of Belarus and wannabe redneck, claims not one but two treatments guaranteed to chase that pesky virus outta your lungs:
- Get your butt onto a tractor seat and go till something, or
- Throw back mass quantities of vodka and then go dry out in a sauna.
No wonder the football leagues in Belarus haven't joined civilized society by shutting down.
After all, in this landlocked nation of 9.5million citizens, there may be around 100 known cases of Covid-19, but nobody's died yet.
So what the hell, Belarusians, pound a few shots of Poland's most famous invention, hop on your favorite harvester, and get your patootie to the nearest football match.
The Belarusian Premier League's season is only two weeks old -- winter can be a bitch in those parts -- and fans are showing up in numbers. In some ways, they won't be alone.
Maybe the only two sides that have any name recognition outside of Belarus are Dinamo Minsk and BATE Borisov from their occasional appearances in the Champions and Europa Leagues. You'll see their websites have English versions, and this season more than most, they're expecting hits. Lotsa hits.
Because the pandemic shutdown sidelined virtually all of the world's football -- a few backwater leagues are still at it -- theirs is the only European competition left to watch.
Maybe its overall caliber of play isn't the best, but it's football. As a result, this usually innocuous league has recently signed ten broadcast rights deals with networks from Russia to India to sate the masses appetite for the game.
And, of course, give them games to wager on.
One can only hope that it doesn't become the Slavic version of Europe's now-infamous Ground Zero Chapions League match between Atalanta and Valencia in Milan.
Yes, that Milan, in that Italy.
Truth be told, Lukashenko prefers hockey, Putin-style. As in, defend me or my shot at your own peril, dude:
What a great place to enjoy chilled vodka!
After all, according to him, a few shots a day will keep the covid away.
And if any of all that newfound dosh from those broadcast rights deals ever trickles down to the masses, they can buy even more tractors to get out in the fields where covid allegedly never dares to tread.
What an alternate universe!