The Juice Is Loose v2.0: Simpson Is Paroled

On Sun 1 Oct, Orenthal James Simpson will be free to resume his quest.

He can search every golf course in his path to find the real killers.

A Nevada court ruled that OJ Simpson will be paroled after nine years in prison, despite the fact that he almost ruined his release by talking too much.

It continued a seeming pattern that he gets out of tense situations in spite of himself.

Simpson was sentenced to a minimum of 9 years and a max of 33 for stealing his own stuff in a botched robbery attempt.

During the hearings, OJ was just OJ.

The Juice played up his love for his kids and spouted stuff that parole boards probably hear so often, their eyes roll.

I was always a good guy, but could have been a better Christian, and my commitment to change is to be a better Christian.

It's enough to wonder how many inmates gain parole in spite of themselves.

No doubt the churches in LA are looking forward to dude’s visit in the future.

And where'd he learn those motions in the box?

From the Chicago Blackhawks' Patrick Kane?

His open field jukes were much better back in the day when he didn't do them in a white Bronco ...

According to the Juice, he's been a model citizen these last nine years.

Then again, he also said this:

Nobody has ever accused me of pulling a weapon on anyone in my life.

Really?

Dude.

No matter what anyone thinks, the parole board was acting in accordance to Nevada law.

Their only authorized consideration was what acts he did and didn't commit in that state. So Simpson's free to do whatever he likes unless he messes up the terms of his parole. Then he'd serve the rest of his 33 year sentence.

His immediate goal will be to remain in one piece until Sun 1 Oct.

Vigilantes are everywhere.