Cosmic Chaos Creates a Patriots-Rams Super Bowl

It's a funny thing, this universe of ours.

The more knowledgeable our world's most learned men become, the more maddening mysteries they find.

So, unless or until the time comes -- many millennia into the future -- for that to change, there's really only one true unification theory that rules everything:

Shit happens.

 

After all, how else could Roger Goodell as NFL commish be explained?

The Shield should be basking in it today, after all, both conference championship games went to overtime:

• The Rams dialed up a long field goal to get there and another to win, 26-23, and
• The Patriots came back after the Chiefs came back to get to OT and then methodically drove down the meadow to post a 37-31 victory.

 

The reasons have been obvious forever:

• The league can't adequately define its own damn rules,
• The officials allow the resulting gray areas to constantly expand, and
• They still haven't figured out how to use replay.

So, stuff gets arbitrary.

 

This leaves the New Orleans Saints muttering, if only ...

There are botched calls that live in infamy -- ask MLB umpire Don Denkinger -- and while the NFL has had its share of them, the No-PI Call now stands above them all on sheer audacity alone.

 

There was so much unpreparedness on that play:

• DB Nickell Robey-Coleman realized too late he was outta position;
• He figured a PI call was better than a TD when it probably wasn't ...

 

• He probably woulda pick-sixed it if he'd bothered to start with Tommylee Lewis's eyes and locate the pass; while
• The ref, surely realizing he screwed the pooch, quickly rationalized his freeze-up by signaling a tipped ball when he was never in position to even know it.

 

So are the Pittsburgh Steelers.

The Saints won home-field advantage for the playoffs and the 'Burgh's squad got early tee times partly because of this alleged PI call on Joe Haden after Drew Brees overthrew Alvin Kamara in the end zone on fourth down:

 

Meanwhile, the Rams quickly pointed to a missed facemask call against the Saints in the previous drive that woulda given them a 1st-&-goal on the one-yard line:

 

That's one of many reasons why the call from some quarters to evoke the NFL's nuclear option -- replay the game from the point of sin -- would probably need to start from the opening kickoff.

Like almost every game would.

 

The havoc at frigid Arrowhead Stadium was similar, ie- just as ridiculous.

Suffice to say when one of The Shield's big brands is 41 years old, he damn near needs all the bodyguards he can get:

 

That turned a 3rd-&-7 into a first down and an ultimate TD.

The official's angle wasn't good, so it's clear he assumed egregious harm. Perhaps he forgot that when one assumes ...

 

No such assumptions when you're a rook, no matter how flashy you're first season's been:

 

Probably. Wait until you're 41, kid.

Then there's the pick play, aka offensive PI, that led to a Kansas City score:

 

That sorta block by a receiver is supposed to only happen within a yard of the line of scrimmage, which means it's allowed withine 2-3 yards, which means 4-5 to be on the safe side.

Sorta like knowing the state patrol will give you 74 in a 70mph stretch of road, so you take 78 because they probably don't wanna bother with the paperwork of a smaller-fine ticket.

Of any kind ...

 

Odds are that cop was wearing stripes and working the AFC championship game. Weekend gig.

The NFL's the only major pro league in North America that doesn't employ full-time game officials. It shows more than it should.

Sometimes, though, the system works. Even in 2D. Replay inferred that Julian Edelman didn't touch the bouncing punt, as evidenced by space between him and the ball as well as the its uninterrupted spin:

 

Legendary Ohio State coach Woody Hayes once said, when you put the ball in the air, three things can happen, and two of them are bad.

Who knew this also applied to the Chiefs' defense when playing a high-stakes game against the been-there, done-that Patriots?

Kansas City coulda locked up the game with this interception by Charvarius Ward. But ...

 

... the Patriots had this one by two outcomes to one:

• on offside, or
• offsetting penalties.

Their OT was in the backfield; illegal formation, not noticed, so the Chiefs' only favorable outcome -- the INT -- was outnumbered from the start, all due to a careless inattention to detail.

In the spirit of the day's chaotic theme, even Kansas City's fans got in on the act.

No-lifers trying to contact Dee Ford to hate on him for what he already knew sent their disses to the wrong Dee Ford, who lives in England.

 

Just as frustrating for the Chiefs was the NFL's overtime rule. Namely, the part that states a first-drive TD ends the game without giving the team's offense a chance.

The NFL's rationale is the team is a whole, which doesn't differentiate between the offense and defense.

The Chiefs do, though. Patrick Mahomes & Co can sometimes be unstoppable, and their D can sometimes not stop anything.

 

It was that way all day. Dudes never did adjust to the Patriots' strategy of quick Tom Brady releases.

Zero sacks surrendered. Full marks to Emperor Palpatine for the move. He'd clearly renewed his vows to the Sith and was richly rewarded.

 

And that's why New England does so well in the big games.

Love them or hate them, the Patriots have figured out how to beat the key to the universe:

Don't leave your fate to things you can't control.

They outgained Kansas City by land and by air:

• Rushing ... 176yd to 41yd with Sony Michel going 29-113, and
• Passing ... 348yd to 249yd with Brady's uniform spotless.

 

Same story with the Rams and Saints, as Los Angeles had more control:

• Rushing ... 77yd to 48yd as CJ Anderson led the way with a 16-44 day, and
• Passing ... 301yd to 242yd with Jared Goff going 25-40.

The aftermath brought lotsa talk about doing the Canadian thing and adding pass interference to video review. However, even that is only a half-measure with defensive holding outta the scope.

The net effect is it pushes the gray area down the list of possibilities, but no one's ever gonna get rid of it.

 

Fans can think what they want, but the reality is, in a chaotic universe, the two teams on their way to Super Bowl LIII are the two who came more closely to being one with the universe.

Which is something The Shield and its officials will probably never know.