United States Can Still Rely on Jozy Altidore

The United States of America seems to have recovered from its shocking Gold Cup losses to Jamaica and Panama.

Holland's struggles have recently called into question how quality the USA win there actually was, so this was a good time for a friendly to appear on the schedule, and they made the most of it with a 2-1 decision over Peru.

And basking in the glory end of those two relentless build-ups was none other than the bruising Jozy Altidore.

But first came a moment of consternation:

Novel. How often does a central defender's back get used as an on-ramp? Omar Gonzalez could show a bit more bottle than that in attacking the ball. Brazil's next on the docket, and they'll surely see this as a soft spot.

The USA needed something special to get one back, but instead got bizarre:

Definitely a Barn d’Or candidate for this year. John Brooks must've been aiming for the hay loft.

So, where to go with the faux American sports analogies? How about this: after Brooks's missed field goal attempt, manager Jürgen Klinsmann went to the 'pen and called for his closer.

Better make that his power forward:

Jozy Altidore, the Dennis Rodman of football.

And no wedding dress was required for Altidore to pronounce this an American victory:

Rather polite of Peru for not speaking up on that one to keep track of his presence, opting instead to forever hold their peace.