USA Soccer's Half-Week-Long Heart Mumur Is Over

Now the geographically-challenged can go back to believing Guatemala is something that goes on nachos.

For a while there, USA Soccer fans had a scarier vision.

As in FIFA's 95th-ranked side snatching their ticket to Russia for the 2018 World Cup.

A 2-0 embarrassment down in the tropics can have that effect.

But for now, at least, all is again right for Jürgen Klinsmann, his source of income, his squad, and the American Outlaws.

Team USA came to Columbus, confronted their demon du jour ...

... and then snapped back to reality with a resounding 4-0 victory over the mouse that roared.

Dudes are back in the catbird seat on their march to the Hex:

After the USA back four's horrific showing down in Guatemala City -- it was so ineffective, the mythical Trump wall would look stout by comparison -- the American offense opted to leave nothing to chance this time.

That was evident when, 12 minutes into it, old warhorse Clint Dempsey wound up on the business end of a good old-fashioned Route One bomb that would've put tears in Graham Taylor's and Vinny Jones's eyes:

Another American stalwart who gets full marks for effort -- if not always for wise decisions -- is Michael Bradley.

In the midst of it all, as usual, his free kick was the catalyst that put Geoff Cameron in the books:

That left the crowd in Columbus feeling all warm and fuzzy at the half, and Klinsmann's smile as he went into the tunnel was noticeable more for relief than joy.

The German legend clearly told his charges to keep the pedal floored, as they came out smokin' when play resumed.

It only took one minute for DeAndre Yedlin to disrupt Los Chapines out of possession and feed a nifty pass to Gyasi Zardes, who found Graham Zusi, and the partying began in earnest:

All that was left to do in the waning minutes was to feed the OG:

Now, all the USA needs to do is dispense with St Vinnie & His Grenadines on Fri 2 Sep and the squad can start brushing up on what not to say in Russia two years from now.

That is, unless Guatemala has another upset left in the tank. They'd have to do it in whichever island Trinidad & Tobago decide to use.

Or perhaps what happened to them in Columbus foiled their evil ploy, proving truth is indeed more real than fiction, and they'll just not be into it anymore.

This is Concacaf, after all.

How the Americans forgot that for a few days will be a mystery for the ages.