Some Real Teeth: Three Punishments FIFA Must Consider for Luis Suarez

Published on 25-Jun-2014 by Xavier McSpaniel
Soccer / Soccer Daily Opinion

He went out for Italian.

Luis Suárez got a bit silly.

Just a bit.

And clearly he must pay for his side dish of Chiellini during Uruguay's 1-0 triumph over Italy on Tuesday.

But what sentence will suffice for a man who makes Hannibal Lecter look like an amateur?


Already, calls are coming thick and fast to have Suárez suspended for the remainder of the World Cup.  A jail term has been bandied about. Former England international Stan Collymore has even suggested Suárez be stapled to a couch in order to treat his impulse control issues.

We here at The Daily Player have our own ideas as to what punishment could say ciao to the chow:

Force him to watch replays of the game: Aside from its pretensions of professional wrestling, the Italy-Uruguay tilt was a disgrace. One viewing might be enough to scare Suárez straight. Or at least make his teeth fall out in sheer disgust.

Send him back to England: Eating Liverpool with some fava beans and a nice Chianti would be a bitter pill to swallow.

Get the Ghanaian witch doctor to give him lockjaw: Nana Kwaku Bonsam is just about done with Cristiano Ronaldo, so let's see what he can do with The Cannibal.

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