England Are First to the Euro Cup Party

The Three Lions roared their way to the Euro Cup 2016 as they humiliated San Marino with a 0-6 score line.

Yes, this was a formality.

The reality was England had to overcome the pitch more than the opponent. It was in diabolical condition.

This rich enclave in the middle of Italy may be a wealthy tax haven, but the pommies who saw the match didn't think much of their international facilities:

But with or without a hedge trimmer, Wayne Rooney equaled Sir Bobby Charlton's all-time scoring record with a no-brainer from the spot.

Challenging Rooney for the same title was Mr Own Goal hizzownself:

Then, Ross Barkley showed how to score a header from point-blank range:

At half, England reviewed their game plan:

Memories refreshed, the English picked up the pace with Theo Walcott being in the right place at the right time to knock the fourth goal home:

Then came the game's most artsy goal:

Harry Kane looked more like Jordan Spieth than Jordan Spieth did this weekend.

All that was left for England was a Get Out of Jail Free card leading to the day's coup de grace:

Too many stars in the same place for San Marino players.