Early Strike: Australia First to Arrive in Rio, Hope to Win World Cup by Forfeit

Published on 29-May-2014 by Xavier McSpaniel
Soccer / Soccer Daily Opinion

Early Strike: Australia First to Arrive in Rio, Hope to Win World Cup by Forfeit

Australia's World Cup squad -- dubbed the Soccerbarbieshrimpyahooseriousroos -- touched down on Brazilian soil today, two weeks before the scheduled kickoff and well before any other team has had a chance to charter a flight.

In doing so, the Aussies feel they're now the clear favourite to lift football's exalted chalice for the first time.

Especially if no one else comes.

"It's part of our strategy, for sure," admitted veteran midfielder, Marc Bresciano. "Get here early, train hard, build some chemistry, pray the rest of the countries don't show."

"It's how we approach every World Cup."

Do you think going all the way on forfeit is a realistic chance this time around?

"Absolutely. We sent out flyers to all the teams, highlighting how crap security will be, how diseased the country of Brazil is, how Pele's solo album will be on 24/7 in their hotels."

No

They're sh*tting themselves."

What about the locals, the gold and green, the mighty Auriverde?

"We're kinda hoping their new plane gives the entire team epilepsy."

In the unlikely event the rest of the tournament turns up, Australia is scheduled to open their campaign on 13 June against Chile.

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