2018's Put an English 'Die' in Germany's 'Die Mannschaft'

When UEFA announced its glorified friendlies format known as the Nations League, most fans greeted the news with a collective shrug.

After all, it's just another money-grab dressed up as something serious.

Well, all of a sudden, German football is taking it seriously.

The national team, Die Mannschaft, is dying in these games, just like it did in the World Cup.

 

Whoever thought a post like this would even be possible outside of fake news:

 

The latter two came in Nations League play.

Here's a refresher -- or an introduction -- into what UEFA's cooked up this time:

 

Few worried about where all those little diamonds or whatever were moving. Until now.

The results have left Germany hoping -- hoping! -- France beats the Netherlands so Die Mannschaft doesn't get relegated -- relegated! -- outta the top tier.

Will the indignities ever end?

 

It's not just the fact that the Germans are losing. It's the way they're doing it. For whatever reason, creativity and precision have taken their leave.

They had their chances in tonight's 2-1 loss to France. They're just not being buried.

 

Götterdämmerung.

At least Tony Kroos broke Germany's scoreless drought by nailing that penalty, but it was negated by Antoine Greizmann scoring from the spot and topped by his superb strike from the field.

It was French 'keeper Hugo Lloris that was man of the match, though. But for his good work, the Germans might've actually broken through.

But they didn't. What else can go wrong?

 

Dudes had best snap out of it, then.

Maybe it'll take only one good result to get back on the way to their glory days.