We Want the D-Cup: Losing Bruins' Fans Find Consolation in Porn

Published on 29-Jun-2013 by Xavier McSpaniel
NHL / NHL Daily Update

We Want the D-Cup: Losing Bruins' Fans Find Consolation in Porn

The Chicago Blackhawks took out a full page ad in Friday's Boston Globe, thanking Beantown for, among other things, it's "respect, good sportsmanship, and genuine love for the great game of hockey ..."

Sadly, it seems few Bruins' fans would've found time to read it. If the response to their team's choke job in Game 6 is any indicator, they were exercising their genuine love elsewhere.

In online porn, to be precise.

According to prominent adult entertainers Pornhub, hourly site traffic analyses during Game 6 of the Finals showed below average ogling levels for both Boston and Chicago. By the 11:00pm mark, however, stats indicated B's fans were responding to their boys' epic meltdown by being 'Boston Schlong', spiking the graph at +21%.

Beantown has never been associated with role-model behavior following a loss -- or during a win, for that matter -- but on this occasion, they should be applauded. When your franchise gets you all engorged for a one-game, winner-take-all decider, then blows its wad in the span of seventeen seconds, you are entitled to not only some figurative self-flagellation, but a little literal as well.

And, hey, a bit of self-savagery leaves a whole lot less to clean up than a full scale violent orgy.

 

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