Two-Timer: Patrick Kane Announces Engagement to Phil Kessel in Sochi
If you thought the Athletes' Village in Sochi was overrun with birds and bees, you might be inclined to think there's a few hyenas in there as well.
The latest tryst to flower is the somewhat unlikely pair of Phil Kessel and Patrick Kane from Team Oshie. Is it simply a one tournament stand? A five-ring fling? Apparently not.
"I love him," said Kane. "He is my everything. The assist to my goal, the flex to my stick, The wrister to my slapper."
"I put a ring on his finger after the game against Slovenia. I had a spare one."
Kane's Chicago Blackhawks teammates have yet to give their blessing to the hasty union. Kane, though, is unfazed:
"They're just jealous of our instant chemistry. And they come from Canada. Everything they know about love they learned from Don Cherry."
Russian President and noted gay activist, Vladimir Putin, declined to comment when asked for his thoughts on the star-spangled bromance. Rumour has it he is trying to get Team Russia coach Zinetula Bilyaletdinov to fall in love with Alexander Radulov.