The Entire Phoenix Metro Area Needs a Space Age Dome

Apparently, the recurring headache that is the Coyotes in Glendale is contagious.

After all, their scenario is extremely easy to duplicate:

• The club doesn't really like the city government;
• The city government doesn't really like them.

So, it's no surprise the Coyotes won't mind sticking it to the city fathers by looking elsewhere after the leakiest lease in sports gives them a chance to bolt in 2017.

The 'Yotes are going nowhere this season on the ice. Thus, it stands to reason they'd fall back on a tried-&-true headline grabbing technique to keep themselves relevant:

Bitch about the lease and look to land elsewhere. In the same metro area, even.

 

Speaking of ...

Imagine their public-extorting horror when the Diamondbacks got into the act and started threatening to cancel their lease at Chase Field if $187million in cool stuff isn't built into it.

After all, look -- look! -- at these slumlord conditions:

No wonder the Coyotes called in their Commish. Need a pro? Get a pro.

But really, isn't the answer clear?

Just build a dome over the whole damn city.

 

Why not?

Dubai is doing it.

Sounds like they've got the architects and engineers to handle the small details, like luxury suites and artery-clogging food for the great unwashed. For example:

• The 'Yotes can install chair lifts instead of escalators for upper bowl access, where they'll have rink-wide ski jumps with water balloon dispensers to keep the teams on their frozen toes; and
• The Snakes can build a pool large enough so they can stock it with sharks to keep the Dodgers out.

What the hell else do these clubs need to keep the corporate customers at the forefront of comfort and amusement?

 

As to the taxpayers having a say?

Riiiight.

Just make sure that border wall doesn't get built before construction starts.