NHL Expansion and Sasquatch Have a Lot in Common

Published on 4-Sep-2014 by J Square Humboldt

NHL    NHL Daily Update

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NHL Expansion and Sasquatch Have a Lot in Common

Evidence is everywhere, but proof is nowhere.

In a culture where no topic is off limits from conspiracy theories, it's not a stretch to think that the NHL is going to grow from 30 to at least 32 teams any minute now.

And that the Sasquatch will be the first season-ticket holder in Seattle.

He's already been there and done that with hoops:

It's gonna happen. Rule 1 to that claim is to never, ever let inconvenient facts get in the way of a good theory.

Let's re-construct the scenario. It all starts off innocently enough:

Clearly, the boys saw Bill Daley on his way to a junket in Vancouver, where he told a group of visiting Seattle businessmen that the NHL was on its way to their fair city, like real soon. Here's how it looked on The Daily Player:

The Daily Player, NHL to Seattle

The surge of visits this article generated actually crashed the site for the only time in The Daily Player's existence. Maybe the Seattle City Council should take notice of that fact. There's probably more interest in the NHL there these days than there is about a return of the NBA.

Anyway, after the NHL issued hurried denials, it became clear that this episode was merely cover for a cyber-attack by North Korean government hackers because The Daily Player doesn't publish favorable articles about Kim Jung Un's favorite football team.

Duly chastened and now fortified with additional servers in Sweden, Switzerland, Labuan, Djibouti, and damn near everywhere else but eastern Ukraine, The Daily Player has boldly mandated its writers to not let pithy denials from officialdom deter them from reporting what the hockey world knows must be happening.

The truth is out there

And yes, that's an actual photo of Bill Daley hailing Gary Bettman's limo. The same Gary Bettman who confirmed in his own coy way that the expansion process is shifting into high gear by surveying the interest of six cities, only really needing two at the moment, and invoking the principle of scarcity with an admirable dose of plausible deniability:

The part of the story that I found particularly difficult is: suggesting that we would sell four franchises for $1.4-billion is way too low. It undervalues our franchises.

In other words, "Gentlemen, start your checkbooks."

Expansion fees are exempt from revenue sharing with the NHL Players Association. They go straight into ownership's pockets. And the league's on a roll right now. Its Canadian broadcast rights mega-deal will soon kick in, its exposure in the USA is at an all-time high, and wouldn't it be wonderful to leverage all that happiness while the leveraging is good!

Here's looking at you, 13th-largest American market that's just dripping with corporate dosh. Your lucky partner will be determined soon thereafter. But you're first.

So stuff's happening. You can just sense it. Glimpses and leaks are there to tantalize. It's being orchestrated to whip up the frenzy. It's a phenomenon only a Sasquatch could truly appreciate.

And for any doubters, just know that -- like the NHL -- Sasquatch has friends. Everywhere.