Most Valuable Payer: Canucks Beat Blackhawks on Forbes List, Will Immediately Raise Banner

Following a nine second 2-1 defeat on Saturday night, the Vancouver Canucks today exacted the ultimate revenge on the Chicago Blackhawks, trumping their hated rival on the Forbes 'Most Valuable NHL Franchise' list.

Price-tagged at a miserly $700 million, Nux Nation gave the 'Hawks a lesson they won't soon forget, dominating the Stanley Cup champs by a cool $75 shmill. The fact Van-City finished in arrears of Toronto, New York (Rangers, not lol Isles) and Montréal was of no consequence; they'd bested their nemesis in the only place that really matters to true hockey fans:

The boardroom.

And, not content with mere domination, the Canucks plan on immortalizing the triumph.

"We're putting a banner up this weekend," said a beaming spokesperson for the organization. "It'll look great next to our two priceless President's Trophy wins."

"That mid-western American team -- we refuse to say the name around here -- when they visit Rogers Arena, they will look up and wish they could play for a truly mad Canadian market, charge ridiculous prices for tickets, and throw money down the crapper on duds like David Booth.

"Oh, did I mention we're also going to retire the number '700,000,000'? No Canucks player will ever wear it."

Accusations have been made the Canucks would raise a Coho salmon to the rafters if it wore the Orca crest. Is this another example of a franchise trying to create a celebrated history when there's really no history worth celebrating?

"Sorry, I can't answer that ... I'm waiting on a call about a Mark Messier statue."

Vancouver's next home game -- a 6 December tilt against the Phoenix Coyotes -- will feature Jan Bulis bobbleheads for the one-night-only price of $49.99.