KISS of Death: Gene Simmons Puts Gary Bettman in Headlock, Demands He Retire

Published on 31-Jan-2014 by Xavier McSpaniel
NHL / NHL Daily Opinion

KISS of Death: Gene Simmons Puts Gary Bettman in Headlock, Demands He Retire

There have been numerous calls for Gary Bettman to stand aside during his 20+ year tenure as the NHL's lead singer.

But none like this:

Retire

God of Thunder and occasional Vancouver Canucks snogger, Gene Simmons, ambushed Bettman during the recent Stadium Series bash in Los Angeles.

Said a spokesperson for Simmons: "It was carefully orchestrated. We knew where he was going to be, we knew when his hired goon bodyguards would be on break. We delivered our message. Shoutd it out loud: retire or face the consequences!"

"Gene is passionate about the game. And like many of the fans, he's had enough of the Commissioner's antics. The lockouts, the Coyotes fiasco, the incessant counting ... God gave rock and roll to us, but He didn't give the top hockey job to Mr Bettman."

As yet, there are no indications that Simmons' brash attack will produce its desired outcome. According to the spokesperson though, the KISS legend is adamant justice will prevail.

"We got rid of that haughty strutter, David Stern. Made it hotter than hell for him so he had to bail."

Some advice for Roger Goodell this Super Bowl Sunday: Don't go unmasked in East Rutherford.

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