Desperate to Score: Canucks Sign Bure to Help Shootout Woes

Following their overnight shootout loss to the Philadelphia Flyers -- bringing their season record in the overtime poser contest to 2-5 -- the Vancouver Canucks announced today they've signed former great Pavel Bure to a shootout-only deal.

The signing comes ten years after his retirement and a mere two months after the Russian Rocket was raised to the rafters in Rogers Arena.

"We need some help," confided Canucks GM, Mike Gillis. "We're so bad in the shootout that our mascot, Fin, has been preparing for a call-up. And Torts had even suggested bringing in one of his rescued dogs to have a crack."

"Even though he hasn't laced up a skate in a decade, Pavel still has more one-on-one skill than our entire roster combined."

"We figure trotting him out in the extra frame should be worth one or two places in the standings."

The shootout shore up up may not end there. Gillis confirmed Bure's wife is a target as well.

"Alina could be a difference-maker. I mean, what red-blooded goalie's gonna be tracking the puck as she comes down the ice, eh?"

The Canucks play the Tampa Bay Lightning at home on New Year's Day.