The Hip Replacements: Four Reasons We Want Herschel Walker to Return to the NFL

Herschel Walker -- fat bastard, ballet goof and bobsled lifer -- is adamant he could still pull on the cleats and make a cut-back at the ripe old age of 107.

"I can play in the NFL today," Walker told USA Today Sports while eating soup and complaining about the ringing in his ear. "I couldn't take every snap. But running backs nowadays don't play every down. Now they send in the choir section.

"Physically, I can still do it."

The Daily Player believes you, Gramps. We want to see it happen. And here are the top four reasons we want it more than a facelift and a Florida bungalow:

- Play with Mike Zimmer and the Minnesota Vikings: A natural marketing marriage borne of surname and arthritits. Hell, the entire team could launch frames into the crowd before each home game.

- Sign a ten-year deal with Jerry Jones, Dallas Cowboys: Walker doesn't have the highest opinion of JJ as a GM. Here's an opportunity to test the theory.

- Buy the Buffalo Bills with Donald Trump: The Bills are very familiar with aged ownership. A combo of timeworn and toupee would continue a proud record of franchise success.

Witness a few Mandelbaum moments. For real: