The Biggest Busts in History, Aside from Dolly Parton

“With the first pick in the NFL Draft, the Houston Texans select …”

Those are words we would’ve normally heard Commissioner Roger Goodell utter by now.  After all, it is 4 May, or Cinco De Mayo eve if you’re looking for a reason to go out drinking with friends on a Sunday night.

For some inexplicable reason, the NFL claimed they had to move the draft to 8-10 May 8-10 because Radio City Music Hall was booked the last weekend in April when it’s normally held. Like the management at New York’s famous venue didn’t know the NFL might need a place in late April to hold the NFL’s biggest event next to the Super Bowl.

Then again, the New York Rangers are playing tonight, and this might be the Blueshirts' year.

They should’ve held the draft the day after the Super Bowl, since every media member and NFL leader was in the Big Apple, anyways. But that would've taken away from an off-season media opportunity.

Had it happened, though, chances are good Denver would’ve traded with Houston for the No 1 pick and taken Jadaveon Clowney, the top defensive player in the draft. How else are you supposed to respond to a 35-point loss in the Super Bowl?

If you’re sick and tired of Todd McShay and Mel Kiper’s mock draft version 5.0, then have no fear, we’re not going to try and replicate the expertise of America's foremost -- ahem! -- draft experts.

Instead, we’re going to dwell on the past and re-release demons of failed draft strategies, or in the case of Ohio, an entire state's fauxs pas!

Here’s the breakdown of the Top 10 worst No 1 overall picks since the AFL-NFL merger in 1970. The ghost of Al Davis still haunts us to this day.

1. Jamarcus Russell QB Oakland Raiders (2007) – Russell’s plight has been well-documented and rehashed over, and f**ing over again, so there’s not much I can really add to the discussion other than to say, "What the f**k were the Raiders doing?" Calvin Johnson went second overall to the Lions, and Adrian Peterson went No 7 to the Vikings. In fact, this was such a deep draft that San Francisco was able to pick LB Patrick Willis at No 11 overall. The Raiders could’ve avoided this situation altogether had they drafted Aaron Rodgers two years earlier before he slid to the Packers at No 24 in the 2005 draft. Apparently, Nebraska CB Fabian Washington was the consensus in the war room. How do you think the Redskins felt drafting Auburn QB Jason Campbell right after the Packers took Rodgers? Reality TV is in Russell’s future if the Surreal Life needs new cast members.
2.  Tom Cousineau  LB Buffalo Bills (1979)  – Many fans probably don’t remember the story of Cousineau, an All-American linebacker at Thei Ohio State University under legendary coach Woody Hayes and the 1978 Orange Bowl MVP. He also set a school record with 211 tackles during the 1978 season and had 29 tackles in a single game, also a Buckeyes record. In order to acquire such a stud LB, the Bills decided it was worth trading future HOFer -- and future acquitted murderer -- OJ Simpson to the San Francisco 49ers for the top pick. After drafting Cousineau, many fans in southern Ontario thought they were getting a franchise cornerstone player. However, Cousineau never played a single game for the Bills, as the Montréal Allouettes paid double for his services in the Canadian Football League, where he was named the Grey Cup MVP in 1979. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound! When Cousineau wanted to return to the NFL in 1982, the Houston Oilers attempted to sign him, but Buffalo matched the offer and -- since they still held his rights -- traded him to Cleveland for a first-round draft choice in 1983, which they used on Miami Hurricanes QB Jim Kelly. Pretty good compensation, but considering their top pick never played one single snap and they gave up OJ, that had disaster written all over it.
3. Tim Couch QB Cleveland Browns (1999) – The NFL awarded Cleveland an expansion franchise after longtime owner, Art Modell, moved the team to Baltimore in 1996, betraying a city and an entire fan base. Odds are he's downing Bloody Marys with Al Davis in hell. Football and Cleveland goes together like peanut butter and jelly, although cutting the crusts off has become a perennial event for the Browns franchise. 1999 is arguably the best draft class in history, as players like Donovan McNabb, Ricky Williams, Champ Bailey, David Boston, Edgerrin James, Torry Holt, Chris Claiborne, Chris McAlister, Daunte Culpepper, Jevon Kearse, Damien Woody, Patrick Kerney, Dré Bly, Joey Porter, Peerless Price, and Brandon Stokley are all part of the pre-millenium celebration. At least they didn’t take Oregon QB Akili Smith like their fellow Buckeye State rival Cincinnati Bengals did. Eagles fans were the ones booing the loudest. What a disgrace!
4. Courtney Brown DE Cleveland Browns (2000) – America is a forgiving society, and when somebody -- or an entire city -- gets a fresh start, they should be given the benefit of the doubt that they'll make good decisions moving forward. However, Cleveland obviously wasn’t looking at the right defensive player from the Nittany Lions, as OLB LaVar Arrington went second overall to the Redskins. Cleveland could’ve had Brian Urlacher, Shaun Alexander, Jamal Lewis, or Keith Bulluck. Heck, even Florida State K Sebastian Janikowski would’ve been a better selection, and he wouldn’t have bitched about having to kick on dirt since Jacobs Field opened five years earlier. A kicker No 1 overall? Cleveland might just be crazy enough to pull it off.
5. Dan Wilkinson DT Cincinnati Bengals (1994) – The Bengals had so many high draft picks in the 1990s, it’s hard to believe they haven’t won a Super Bowl or, at least, hosted a couple of AFC title games. Selecting the local Ohio State Buckeyes product transformed the Bengals to the Bungles, since they could’ve had San Diego State RB Marshall Faulk, which would’ve also prevented them from selecting Penn State RB Ki-Jana Carter No 1 overall in 1995. Do you see the pattern of compounding mistakes? One thing leads to another.
6. Ki-Jana Carter RB Cincinnati Bengals (1995) – The Bengals really showed the Browns how to screw up back-to-back No 1 overall picks. Cleveland executives have apparently never heard of the saying, “Those who ignore the past are condemned to repeat it?” 1995 turned out to be an extremely deep draft, almost rivaling the 1999 draft in terms of talent in every round. Terrell Davis went in the sixth round to Denver, for example. Had Cincinnati taken Faulk the prior year, they could’ve had studly defensive players like Warren Sapp and Derrick Brooks, or a franchise QB in Steve McNair, who went third overall to Houston. That’s the Houston Oilers for you kiddos who weren’t quite born yet. Clearly, Tampa Bay won the 1995 draft sweepstakes and benefited greatly from teams passing on Sapp and his character issues.
7. Aundray Bruce LB Atlanta Falcons (1988) – The Falcons were looking for a franchise leader on the defensive side of the ball and went with Auburn LB Bruce, passing on Nebraska DE Neil Smith, who went second overall to the Chiefs. The quality of talent at the No 2 overall selection is nearly equal to the No 1 picks most years. 1988 was the Year of the WR as Michael Irvin, Sterling Sharpe, Tim Brown, Anthony Miller, Flipper Anderson, Brian Blades, and Brett Perriman were all selected within the first two rounds. Pretty much anybody besides Bruce would’ve been a better pick. Swing and a miss!
8. David Carr QB Houston Texans (2002) – Ironically, his little brother may turn out to be a better NFL quarterback whenever and wherever he gets selected in Thursday’s draft. Older brother David was supposed to be the cornerstone, franchise QB that every expansion team covets; however, Carr set an NFL record by getting sacked 76 times that season. The Texans stuck with Carr through thick and thin -- mostly thin -- through the 2006 season, where he posted a career-high 68.9 completion percentage and set an NFL record by completing 22 consecutive passes in a single game. A new GM usually means sweeping changes, and the Texans traded for Atlanta backup QB Matt Schaub, who was promptly released this off-season as Houston continued the revolving door effect behind center. Will they find their 'new' franchise QB on Thursday? Oh, the anticipation!
9. Steve Emtman DT Indianapolis Colts (1992) – The Colts were poised to make leaps and bounds by having the Nos 1 and 2 picks in the 1992 NFL Draft . They selected Emtman from the University of Washington and Quentin Coryatt LB Texas A&M. So Indy was set on defense for years to come, right? Wrong. Emtman suffered devastating injuries in each of his first three seasons with the Colts and was out of the league by 1997. It’s tough to blame the Colts for using their top pick on the Pac-10 Defensive Player of the Year from a co-national championship team, who was also the Lombardi Award and Outland Trophy winner. It’s not like the 1992 draft produced many top players. Even Coryatt was a decent selection at No 2. Why not shore up the defense with two of the top players in college football? The Colts first pick in the second round, DB Ashley Ambrose, turned out to be the best of the three draft choices that season. At least, they didn’t select David Klingler, leaving the Bengals even more susceptible to failure.
10. Alex Smith QB San Francisco 49ers (2005) – Smith hasn’t been a complete disaster of a quarterback on the level of Jamarcus Russell, but he wasn’t the player San Francisco was expecting to acquire with the first overall choice, either. What made this draft compelling is that California Golden Bears QB Aaron Rodgers was expected to be a Top 10 pick and completed an epic draft slide -- nearly matched by Brady Quinn in 2007 -- all the way down to No 24 overall to the Green Bay Packers. The rest is history, as Rodgers is still one of the top two or three QBs in the league, depending on what talking head, ego-maniac, and/or subjective judging criteria they happen to be using that day. Had the 49ers taken Rodgers with the No 1 overall pick, things would’ve turned out much differently. Smith was let go because of newcomer Colin Kaepernick and made the Pro Bowl last season as a member of the Kansas City Chiefs. Don’t lay all the blame at the feet of the 49ers, though, as 23 other teams passed on Rodgers, and every team in the league could use a QB like Rodgers. Well, except maybe the Broncos, Saints, and Patriots.

OK, pigskin fans, hope this satisfies your appetite for NFL Draft coverage until Thursday. And between then and the Supplemental Draft on 11 July, you're on your own.

What is the Supplemental Draft, you say? If that's been eating you, then we have an expert you'll like:

And if you have to read one more revised mock draft because you’re a glutton for punishment just like me, remember, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result.

Or Merriam-Webster’s definition: severe mental illness. Describes football fans perfectly.