Tale of the Tape: How Trent Richardson's Sex Video Explains His Impotent Performance

Published on 13-Nov-2013 by Xavier McSpaniel
Football - NFL / NFL Daily Update

Tale of the Tape: How Trent Richardson's Sex Video Explains His Impotent Performance

TMZ's report that a Trent Richardson sex orgy tape is doing the rounds raised a few eyebrows and little else.

This is a guy with a reputation for enjoying physical contact. He has three kids already; the first bundle of joy arrived when he was a soph in high school.

Infinitely more interesting than Richardson's boudoir exploits is the varied rationales the video provides for his flaccid performance since being traded from the Cleveland Browns to the Indianapolis Colts. Let's examine each in turn. Bear in mind: no excuse on its own is sufficient for the tank-job he has paraded; in all likelihood, it is a combination of the lot that is responsible.

1. Simple Fatigue: It takes a lot of energy, commitment, and possibly lotion, to satisfy three-plus women in a bedroom huddle. Now, if this is a lifestyle choice rather than a one-off for Blockbuster ... Well, it begs the question: Are the refractory periods extending to any given Sunday?

2. Carrying the Load: The word from those who've spent some time with the tape is that Trent is hung like a Joe Flacco banner in Denver. This may, in some part, explain Richardson's poor yards per carry average. The man is clearly burdened with the extra tackle before he ever gets the hand-off or reaches the line of scrimmage.

3. Bust Desire: Evidence from both on-field offense and off-field special teams point toward an inarguable truth: Richardson wishes to immerse himself in a world of busts. Next stop: Ryan Leaf's man-boobs.

4. Colt by Name: The new stallion in the stable could just be trying to live up to his team's title. Sadly, if Jim Irsay, Ryan Grigson, and Chuck Pagano are to get any decent return on their investment, a gelding may be in order. 

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