Step Away from The Fuse: Fireworks Take NFL by Storm
The fallout from Independence Day usually revolves around alcohol shortages and the need to replenish your hot dog supply.
The NFL felt that wrath a little differently.
Two of its players were involved in firework-related accidents this past 4th of July and, I'm sure, plenty of others had near misses.
I might've, too, if rain hadn't ruined my plans for some colorful excitement.
Dudes and dudettes, I completely understand.The idea itself is appealing.
Pretty colors. Fire! The family/friend environment. Alcohol flowing. The historical sentiments. The oohs and aahs from the crowd.
But as Cris Carter would say: C'mon, man!
Jason Pierre Paul, perennial Pro Bowl defensive end for the New York Giants, and CJ Wilson, defensive back for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, both lost fingers over the holiday. One and two fingers, respectively.
If I'm not mistaken, hands can be effective to, ironically, play the game of gridiron football.
Damn. He's got us there.
But we won when the rubber met the road! Hence, Independence Day! We can call stuff what we want!
And we call blowing off fingers stupid. John Cleese might agree with us, too.
Sure, if you're a wide receiver or a quarterback, your hands are an occupational requirement. Mandatory, if you will. I don't foresee any hand-less athletes having the gall to ask an NFL team for a private tryout. Even if a player isn't at one of those skilled positions, he still needs his mitts to push, pull, shove, and/or tackle opponents.
Paul, who will likely lose his $60mil deal with the Giants now, maybe should've thought to ask someone else to light his fuse. I know the Giants organization wishes he would've.
On top of that, Wilson lost two fingers and has chosen to step away from the game to focus solely on rehab. Maybe his price isn't as steep as Paul's, but his livelihood is at stake unless he has a Master's from Yale. Note to Wilson: If you'd like to keep cashing checks, you need your hands.
Leave the pyrotechnics to the experienced professionals.
A safer alternative? Sparklers. Sure, their the fireworks version of tricycles, but odds are you're going to keep all 10 of your fingers.
And your two-comma, set-for-life contract.