Slap Shot: Jim Harbaugh Wants Opponents Properly Punching His Players in the Head

Published on 09-Sep-2013 by Xavier McSpaniel
Football - NFL / NFL Daily Opinion

Slap Shot: Jim Harbaugh Wants Opponents Properly Punching His Players in the Head

Jim Harbaugh is adamant: if there are to be shenanigans similar to those that broke out Sunday on the Candlestick sidelines, he wants it done right.

No pushing. No shoving. No Three Stooges-styled slapping. God, no.

He wants his players punched in the head.

"If you're going to go to the face, come with some knuckles, not an open slap," said Harbaugh, channeling Burgess Meredith in 'Rocky'.

The advice was intended for Green Bay Packers' linebacker, Clay Matthews.

During the marquee match-up of two projected NFC heavyweights, Matthews illegally wrangled runaway quarterback cum antelope, Colin Kaepernick, sparking some 'bitch, please' between the defensive star and Niners left tackle, Joe Staley.

"I think that young man works very hard on being a tough guy. He'll have some repairing to do to his image after the slap."

Matthews should indulge Harbaugh's call for a soirée of San Fran speedbagging; the rest of the league should oblige, too. An open season on headshots doesn't come along very often and almost never from the coach of a targeted team. But, then again, this is a man who knows the folly of delivering rather than receiving punches: he once broke his hand administering a cold-cock to the melon of Hall-of-Famer and Bills great, Jim Kelly.

One thing is clear: if Harbaugh has his way, the next round of concussion lawsuits will have its fair share of Niners on the docket.

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