Sign Someone Already!

God, I hate this! Every freakin’ year!

Every year, my team sits back on its heels and watches as other teams do fun and interesting stuff by signing cool free agents!

I mean, we don’t even “invite someone in for a talk”!  We’re too cheap to spring for a lousy JetBlue ticket! We don’t even give someone a physical! Is it too much to ask a dude to turn his head and cough?

Instead, My Team signs a journeyman – sight unseen – to be the third string tight end!

Look, don’t get me wrong. I get the argument against diving into the free agency pool too hard, too fast, and too quickly. You’re throwing insane amounts of money at guys who are being let go for a reason. You’re totally undermining your team’s payroll by dumping it on guy in lieu of several. You’re being fiscally irresponsible. But damn!

OKy, let me take a breath and get a little perspective.

Free agency is a long, drawn out period that carefully coincides with the draft. And just because my team got off to a “slow start” doesn’t mean they’re not gonna do anything. In fact, even if the draft comes and goes, there’s still plenty of opportunity to sign guys who were overpricing themselves in the early stage of free agency. Oh, and then there’s the whole Training Camp Dumpster Dive – a veritable free agency first cousin.

So there’s time. And there are people in charge that have it all under control.

Even though things are bad now (Days 1-4) and are probably only going to get worse (Days 5 - the draft), it’s not the end of the world! If your team is as “smart” as mine is, there’s still time to make things right and sign players – for actual positions of need! – who aren’t as expensive.

Sure, they don’t have the same marquée value, and they don’t allow you to brag to your friends and unknown followers on Twitter who are thousands of miles away. But maybe it’s that old prickly “sound fiscal strategy” bromide. That is so annoying!

 Just once, I don’t want sound fiscal strategy.  I want all caution thrown to the wind that makes me smile and go "Ha, bitches! Check out who my team just dumped $20mil guaranteed on!”

Is that too much to ask?

OK, back to breathing.