Pot Makes You Stupid; Just Ask Kellen Winslow

In the some-people-never-learn department, here's a sad chapter in the life of New York Jets tight end Kellen Winslow.

Winslow was arrested last month for having synthetic marijuana in his car. Now that the details are emerging, that's not even the real story, folks. Not by a long shot.

Apparently, a witness saw Winslow in his car ... umm, how can I put this ... choking his chicken in the parking lot of a Target store.

Here's what part of the report says:

"As she (witness) stood near the open driver side window of the Escalade, she observed the males [sic] erect penis. She stated that she believed he was masturbating."

When the police arrived, Winslow's pants were pulled up, but get this: there was, according to the police report, "two open containers of Vaseline on his center console." Police also found "Funky Monkey' and "Mr Happy", which are two forms of synthetic marijuana 

What a dumb ass. This dude just got in trouble this past season for drug use, now he is going to miss probably all of 2014 or most of it for basically being an idiot.

His father, who was one of the greatest NFL tight ends of all-time, will now have a son -- his namesake -- forever linked to this story. 

Small sample size, yes, but proof that pot makes you more than a faithful customer at Taco Bell or Jack in the Box.

Maybe if Winslow is lucky, he'll land in Colorado next season in the Mile High City.