Owens Wants to Play for the Bears

The next drug test Terrell Owens had best be for psychedelics.

He's let it be known that he's still ready for a comeback in the NFL, and the Chicago Bears should be the beneficiaries of his largesse. As a matter of protocol -- ie- ego stroking -- TO wants the Bears to call him (maybe) if they need another wideout this season.

(Hey, TO! Here's a number you need to call: 1-800-DREAM ON.)

Owens played under Bears head coach Marc Trestman while he was in San Francisco. Now he wants to play for him in Chicago. As this is a slow news day, someone with a microphone and near a keyboard was listening.

“I played my first early years in San Francisco with [Bears head coach Marc Trestman] and shortly after that, he left to do some things,” Owens said.

One of them was most likely getting far, far away from TO.

“I haven’t talked to Marc in a long while."

That streak appears to be in danger of ending.

"I know he’s gone on and done some things, now he’s back in the NFL ... To think about [Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall] on the other side and me on one side, that’s really dangerous.

Yes it is. And it has 'double coverage on Marshall' written all over it.

"I’m keeping myself in shape just for any opportunity that may come about.”

Don't hold your breath for that phone call, TO. You are almost 40, a trouble-maker, and have been out of the league the past two years. Why, pray tell, would the Bears -- even out  of any perceived obligation of an old friendship -- want to even fool with you?

Apparently, Owens still lives under the notion that he is still one of the best players in the league. The inherent problem in that logic is that he isn't even in the league. He's been trying to make a comeback for the last two years, and not even Arena League teams want to take a chance.

This, of course, is not a surprise to anyone not named Terrell Owens.

The only way he'll be able to attract a team these days is if he puts flags in his waistband. And offers to buy the beer.