NFL to Tighten Grip on Its Balls
No word yet if Tom Brady was advising Hillary Clinton on proper e-mail curation techniques. But he does have about a month to revise any advice he might provide:
In order to prevent a similar scandal, the league has decided to impose tight restrictions on the handling of its balls. Footballs, to be precise.
These new rules include:
- Designating two officials to do pre-game ball inspections;
- Numbering and recording the PSI for each of the 12 game balls; and
- Having game officials as well as a league security rep oversee the distribution of the kicking balls.
Sounds like they consulted with true experts, doesn't it?
In addition, certain games will see officials inspecting and measuring ball PSI during halftime before taking them back to the officials' locker room.
The zebras will also be required to include information about the balls' condition in their game reports. This will no doubt quickly devolove into the NFL version of writing good condition in your high school text book:
The surprise is the league didn’t place the balls in Fort Knox. Better yet, The Commish should ask President Obama to loan him a few Secret Service agents to protect his balls.
The absurdity of the entire fiasco has provided us with one of the most entertaining controversies in recent memory. Even for a self-important crowd of 1%ers as pompous as the NFL's, these security measures are nothing short of a joke.
Iconoclasts can only hope a team gets caught deflating balls again in hopes that an NFL version of the Albert Belle corked bat scandal occurs. What else could make this story better than having a 400-pound offensive lineman sneak through an air vent to steal a tampered ball?
OK. Different bat. But you get the idea.