NFL Snark Rankings: Week 6
In what was a frantic week of sports action, the NFL once again took precedence in the viewing parties, as I turned down free tickets to the Seahawks-Titans game, the Ducks-Huskies game, and the Tri-City Americans vs Seattle Thunderbirds WHL hockey game. Although the T-birds play in Kent, Wa now, they still keep the Seattle moniker, which is sort of like what the Utah Jazz did when they moved from New Orleans, but opposite. Capiche?
We’ve reached that point of the season where teams can no longer lie to themselves like a drug addict at an intervention and say: “There’s plenty of time left,” because Week 6 is in the books. And in case you haven’t noticed, there are still three winless teams and four teams that have managed to eke out only one win so far.
At that rate, we may have to expand the Snark Rankings to the top 10 teams …
- Jacksonville Jaguars – Nobody on God’s green Earth gave the Jaguars any chance in hell of beating Denver. If the game was in Jacksonville, the Broncos may have only been a 24-point favorite. Well, the Jaguars covered by losing 35-19 and were actually in the game at half time, down only 14-12. Since media -- or more importantly , cell phone videos -- aren’t available in locker rooms at half time, it’s difficult to determine what motivated the Broncos in thesecond half, but one could surmise head coach John Fox simply stated: “Guys, we’re playing the Jaguars! The Jaguars!” Since it took Denver exactly 2 minutes 44 seconds to score when the third quarter started, whatever he did say definitely worked. What’s truly astounding is that Peyton Manning threw his second INT of the season. That’s one less than his little bro threw on Sunday! Jacksonville hosts the Chargers in Week 7. Not a winnable game, either, Jags fans.
- New York Giants – This is a tossup between the G-Men and the Buccos for the position of first loser, which y'all know means second place. Eli Manning once again threw more INT’s than TD’s. Until that trend reverses course, the Giants will be lucky to win a game. They host the Vikings on MNF in Week 7. Can ESPN use the flex option and put the Broncos at Colts on instead? After all, Indianapolis is honoring Peyton Manning during the game. No word on if owner Jim Irsay has retracted all his Tweets declaring Manning’s career over. You know, so far, I’ve critiqued two teams and talked about Peyton Manning in each.
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Who has odds on Greg Schiano bing the first coach fired during the 2013 season? He's definitely the favorite after telling Tampa Bay fans that the team will be good, eventually, someday, after we tank for a couple years and get several high draft picks. Oh, wait! Isn’t that what the Raheem Morris regime did? If the Falcons don’t beat the Buccos in Atlanta next week, then Mike Smith may also be at the top of the list of coaches sent to the gallows. Not only does Tampa Bay have to deal with the Falcons, but a couple of their players have contracted MRSA. Let’s hope sudden cases of aerial gonorrhea don’t suddenly appear!
- Minnesota Vikings – After the tragic death of Adrian Peterson’s son, it would be reasonable to think that the Vikings would play highly inspired American football, especially at home, and play in a dedicated and committed manner. Instead, Minneapolis-St. Paul residents were subjected to the bland, uninspired play that is worthy of a Top 5 pick. After watching the Vikings secondary get torched by Cam Newton, it became clear they could use any cornerback or safety from the SEC; it’s worth it, Vikings fans, to endure one terrible season. Hate to break it to you, but the D is horrible!
- Washington Redskins – Not sure what's happening in the NFC, but there are some serious contenders on this list! The Redskins fit quite appropriately in the city where DC now stands for Dysfunctional Congress. The latest joke around Facebook suggests the Redskins should change their name and remove Washington. That makes the Father of Our Country's namesakes 1-for-2 in the Competence Department, as the State of Washington has quite the opposite in the Seattle Seahawks, which we’re very happy with, thank you very much! Da Bears come marching into DC on Sunday. Sorry, Skins fans, but 1-5 is on the horizon!
In a week that saw Houston fans cheer Matt Schaub’s injury, then saw backup QB TJ Yates keep the Texans pick-6 streak alive, we're reminded to be careful what you wish for. One thing is certain: based upon the matchups in Week 7, these rankings aren’t likely to change!