NFL Snark Rankings: Week 4
Week 4 in the NFL was punctuated by the Denver Broncos throttling of the Philadelphia Eagles at home.
Peyton Manning is putting up video game type numbers! Even though Seattle had a terrific come-from-behind win in overtime against the Houston Texans, Denver reminded everybody that there is no slowing down Peyton and the bucking Broncos in 2013!
But that's not our focus here.
Currently there are four 0-4 teams in the NFL -- Jaguars, Buccaneers, Steelers, and Giants -- and they're bumbling, fumbling, and stumbling their way through the schedule so consistently, they deserve recognition.
Let’s break this down gently:
- Jacksonville Jaguars – The Jags find themselves atop the rankings for the fourth consecutive week, and honestly, I don’t see this changing the rest of the year. Gus Bradley seems like a terrific man and he did a terrific job as defensive coordinator with the Seattle Seahawks. However, he's come to find the word coordinator has no place in the Jags' organization. Seriously, dude, you probably could have had the Giants, Redskins, or Jets head coaching job if you had waited a season. We should probably even include the Cowboys in that group. Next week, Jax visits the Rams in St Louis. This might actually be a winnable game, as the Rams looked pathetic against the 49ers on Thursday night, but most bad teams do playing mid-week. Maybe they’ll catch Buffalo or Tennessee napping when those teams visit northern Florida in a couple weeks. Other than that, the Jags are on pace to match the 2008 Detroit Lions for a big, fat goose egg of a season!
- Tampa Bay Buccaneers – What’s going on with pro football in the Sunshine State? These teams are angling to pick No 1 and No 2, respectively, in the 2014 NFL Draft. Where's the drama in that? If they're this incompetent with the 53 players they've chosen already, does anyone really trust their ability to pick seven college kids who can make enough of a difference? Thank God the Rays made the playoffs. At least the area has a winner they can ignore, and they do it in numbers! The Lightning draws fans and has offense, but it's been jammed in a division where its immediate prospects look almost as bad as the Bucs.
- New York Giants – Ugh! If Tom Coughlin is the first coach fired in 2013, does that mean Justin Tuck will punch out the team's owner and general manager? And add the Giants to the list of teams needing a QB. Eli Manning managed a 23.7 QBR this week, which was up slightly from 7.2 the week before. He's a turnover machine. Antrelle Rolle says they can run the table from here on out. Really? Which table? Maybe they'll get a random division game or catch the Lions on an off day. But the G-men can’t even run the ball, and the defense is getting shredded. This is not your father’s New York Giants! Assuming, of course, your father was Wellington Mara.
- Pittsburgh Steelers – Unsurprisingly, the Steelers lost to the Vikings in London. Surprisingly, it was only by a touchdown. Matt Cassel filled in for Christian Ponder quite nicely, by the way, and if the Vikings have any hope of making the playoffs, they'll stick with his superior ability to hand the rock to Adrian Peterson. So with Ponder out and Pittsburgh's suckage nearing Code Red levels, it's no surprise ESPN's Samantha Steele-Ponder was nowhere near that game. The Steelers are having similar issues as the Giants: turnover prone QB, a running game that would even embarrass purse-snatchers, and a defense leakier than most third-world countries. Pittsburgh actually has some winnable games coming up, so I expect them to turn it around, but it’s pretty bad right now. Their next three are at the Jets, then home against the Ravens, and then at the Raiders. It's their patch of hope! They’ll be 3-4 before you know it! Yeah, right.
- Oakland Raiders – I told myself, whichever team lost the game between the Redskins and Raiders would end up at No 5 in the Snark Rankings, so I’m keeping my promise. Matt Flynn finally got to start behind center and played decently enough, filling in for the injured Terrelle Pryor. Flynn showed flair in giving the ball to Rashad Jennings even more; Jennings may become the fantasy football waiver wire's flavor of the week, as Darren McFadden injured his hamstring and is questionable. Their schedule is tough, and there are no gimme games down the road. For now, will a late kickoff tick off Sebastian Janikowski? The Oakland A’s playoff game has pushed back the start of the Raiders home game against the Chargers to 11:35pm edt. Probably not. It'll give him more time to enjoy whichever all-you-can-eat buffet he frequents. With that body and this team, does he go to Halloween parties dressed as a fire hydrant?
Once again, there were so many deserving candidates this week that it really was difficult to stop at five. There were several upsets, too, including the new-look Cleveland Browns beating the Bengals at home. The Brownies host the Bills at home on Thursday night football with a great chance at a three-game win streak. I can’t figure out the AFC North. Does anybody want to win that division? Does anybody have to win that division?
The same could be said of the NFC East. The Redskins are a bubble team for the Snark Rankings, and with a bye in Week 5, which jeopardizes their chances of making the list next week. But there's hope for the future. Of getting back on the list, that is.
Come to think of it, since the Buccaneers and Steelers have byes also, there could be some changes next week, depending on how the Rams handle the Jaguars at home and/or the Panthers at Cardinals.
At least there's Seattle at Indianapolis, Houston at San Francisco, and New Orleans at Chicago to provide quality American football. If you stay up to watch the Chargers vs Raiders, you should either open an account at Bovada or seek professional treatment.