NFL Snark Rankings: Week 13

Published on 02-Dec-2013 by bpfiester
Football - NFL / NFL Daily Opinion

The Texans would rather have the NSA spying on them.

Thanksgiving tradition has always been about family and giving thanks for the many blessings in our lives.

However, the NFL has turned it into an all-day event by providing fans three games instead of the Cowboys and Lions each hosting turkey dinner. At least this year, none of the games were on the NFL Network so the average fan could simply adjust the rabbit ears or the Aereo and tune into CBS/NBC/FOX to watch the action.

None of the Thanksgiving Day games affected this weeks Snark Rankings, although Green Bay emerged as a new contender, gaining just 126 yards of total offense and giving Detroit its first Thanksgiving Day win in 10 years. The Pack had better hope State Farm approves Aaron Rodgers' claim and gets him back to action soon. Does it take three weeks to do a discount double check?

The Houston Texans nearly pulled out a W at home over the Patriots, but then Tom Brady realized at halftime that he’s Tom Brady and doesn’t lose to a 2-9 team. So the Texans will hold onto our top spot this week. Congratulations, fellas.

  1. Houston Texans – These dudes have now lost 10 in a row, a franchise record. On the plus side, Case Keenum managed to get the ball to André Johnson multiple times, and the Texans showed they have a knack for producing quality RB after quality RB, similar to the Broncos since the late 90’s. Ben Tate ran for 102 yards and 3 TDs.  On the flip side, Texans DE Antonio Smith basically accused the Patriots of Spy Gate: Part Deux. They need to decide if Keenum is the QB of the future, because they're on track to get the No 1 overall pick next spring, and if there was ever a year to take a franchise QB, it’s 2014.
  2. Jacksonville Jaguars – For two weeks in a row, Jacksonville gets bounced out of the top spot due to the ineptitude of their opponent and have climbed to 3-9 on the season. Back-to-back victories for the Jaguars?  Still, it’s hard to believe Jacksonville ranks No 32 overall in rushing yards with Maurice Jones-Drew on the squad. After watching the dynamic duo of Brandon Weeden-Josh Gordon shred the Jags' D, Jax definitely needs to draft a defensive player. I don’t care what position he plays -- and neither should they -- although it will most likely be South Carolina DE Jadeveon Clowney. You'll fall in love with him quickly, Jaguar fans!
  3. Washington Redskins – You’d think a home game on national TV would really get a team fired up. Why did RB Alfred Morris only get 11 carries? Mike Shanahan, why are you letting Robert Griffin III throw 32 times? After Justin Tuck’s third sack in in six plays, why don’t you keep an extra TE to block and not allow Tuck to sack RGIII four times in seven plays? A costly Pierre Garçon fumble was the final fork in this carcass, but again, the blame will go to the officials for incorrectly moving the chains and then changing the marker to indicate fourth down after the 'Skins thought they just ran a first-down play. Meanwhile, I'm not sure when those RG3-9 jerseys will be printed, but Christmas is coming.
  4. Cleveland Browns – Perhaps we should give Jacksonville more credit, but every team that has lost to the Jaguars has found themselves in the Top 5 this season, so we’re going to be consistent. Nice game from Josh Gordon, who had the second-highest receiving yards in a game this season and back-to-back 200+ yard games. The Brownies now have three out of four games on the road to finish the season and, really, only the Jets game is winnable. Relying on Willis McGahee at this stage of his career does not qualify for a valid rushing attack, and after attending the Apple Cup on Friday, Washington Huskies RB Bishop Sankey might be a good fit and should definitely be on the board around Pick 5 or 6 if he decides to matriculate to the pros.
  5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Glad to have you back on board, gentlemen. We really missed you the last couple of weeks. Granted, you played the hottest team in football on their home turf, and the Panthers' D is finally performing like everybody thought they would at the start of the year. It’s easy to get excited about back-to-back W’s, but this game reminded Tampa Bay management that Bruce's Boys need to quit winning meaningless games this late in the season and improve their draft position. Well, they'll get that opportunity now, as they play the Bills, 49ers, Rams, and Saints to finish out the year. Can you say Top 5 draft pick?

Schedules return to normal in Week 14, as there's only one game on Thursday. That one's sure to be a barn burner as the Texans take on the Jaguars in Jacksonville. Let’s give thanks that this game is on the NFL Network, and most people won’t be able to watch it.

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