NFL Snark Rankings: Week 11
What did we learn about the NFL's Week 11?
You don’t know what you think you know. That’s what you know.
It all started on Thursday night, where another dud of game was played on South Beach with the Dolphins upsetting the Bill,s 22-9. It was 6-3 in favor of the Southern Ontario Bills at halftime, and another Dan Carpenter field goal in the third quarter gave the impression that neither team was likely to reach double digit points.
The refs had a tough night again. A controversial safety call on Bills QB Kyle Orton gave Miami all the momentum it needed to scratch out a tough divisional win. If you had the stones to bet on this game, you’re a bigger man than I.
Two mainstays in the Snark Rankings didn’t have the luxury of rewarding their fan base with riveting competition on the gridiron. The Jaguars and Jets should’ve played each other in London just for practice. The Brits love their football. Their football.
OK, he's got a point. But there's already a team game called handball -- and we do play it on this side of the pond -- so that name was taken.
Some new faces join us this week, as a five-interception performance by Eli Manning brought the Giants into the mix. They might be here to stay.
1. Oakland Raiders (0-10) – What the hell, not even their first win since the Dead Sea scrolls said to take the Romans and lay the points could shake them from this perch. The Commitment to Fecklessness just looks so natural at No 1. And in the final seconds, when victory seemed assured while Kansas City was doing the two-minute hurry-up, the Raiders couldn't even get their celebration right:
Yes, there's offsides, and then there's Raider offsides.
2. Washington Redskins (3-7) – This tragi-comedy has the makings of a relationship ending badly, like the man coming home from work one night and seeing all his stuff piled in the driveway.
The only problem in DC is that the Other Gruden may wind up losing his shorts. He's not as cozy with Dan Snyder as RGIII is. Not a good sign. How in the world did this team win three games? Oh yeah, Colt McCoy and Kirk Cousins can take credit for that. The RGIII trade will have to go down as one of the worst in league history. The Vikings sent a brigade to Dallas for Herschel Walker, but perhaps that had more to do with acquiring Cris Carter from the Eagles. Mike Ditka tossed an entire draft class to get Ricky Williams, but at least he got a puff or two of results out of it. RGIII rips teammates, the head coach rips RGIII, and then both give half-assed apologies. If the Redskins end up with a Top 10 pick, do they trade up again for a QB? They might have to.
3. Jacksonville Jaguars (1-9) – If a tree falls in the woods and nobody's around to hear it, does it make a sound? If you live in northern Florida and your professional football team -- let’s use that term lightly -- doesn’t play, and people are glad they didn’t have to waste a Sunday, are they ecstatic? Beyond belief! Good luck against the Colts this week after their drubbing at the hands of old nemesis Tom Brady. Indy will be looking for some revenge, and if social media this week is any indication, it’s going to be a whupping. Fantasy footballers are actually picking up the Colts defense more than any other team this week. Who can blame them?
4. Tennessee Tuxedos (2-8) – The Tuxes -- well, that's better than shortening Titans, isn't it? -- almost pulled off a major upset against the Steelers on Monday Night Football only to get hit by the freight train that is Le’Veon Bell. It was such an impressive performance, that Steelers RB LeGarrette Blount walked off the field before the game was over, either because he knew the game was firmly in hand and his services weren’t needed or he was packing the post-game bong. Then again, maybe he had a plan. Tennessee needs to see what they have in rookie RB Bishop Sankey, just like they’re doing with QB Zack Mettenberger. Here’s another team that might be all-in for a QB come draft day. And when will the NFL ever gain consistency on their disciplinary policy? Tux TE Chris Coffman was allowed to play, even though he was seen clearly on video taking out a Ravens coach on the sidelines the week before. Perhaps I’m just bitter because the TD pass he caught caused me to lose my fantasy football game. It’s the simple things in life. Seriously though, expect Coffman to lose some dough and playing time for his actions against Baltimore. What a chump.
5. New York Giants (3-7) – There are teams with fewer wins -- the Jets and Buccaneers, for instance -- but the Jets got the week off, thank God!. And Tampa Bay not only played well against the Redskins, they actually have a few things going for them, like Mike Evans. Meanwhile, the Eli Manning love affair with New York may be over after his 5-pick Broadway show against the 49ers. In fact, Sunday was perhaps the worst tandem performance by the Manning brothers in their careers, and that’s saying something for Eli. Ah, for the good ol' days when cities needed saving and saved they were ...
After they lose to the Cowboys this week, New York has four consecutive games against Snark Rankings teams, which in some sodid and twisted way, may save Tom Coughlin’s job. If it were up to me, it'd be time for a change. The G-Men have the worst-run defense in the league and aren’t a very good rushing team to boot. The Giants need to get back to basics, like getting some better players. That would help.
Interesting that this week's list has two teams from the AFC South and a pair from the NFC East. Will the entire NFC South be represented before the end of the year? Not if the Buccaneers keep playing at that high of a level.
But that remains to be seen.